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Review:Beeezie says:
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your 3/15 review!

Once again, I'm afraid you're going to find me to be a very lame reviewer, because on the whole, I really don't see much to critique.

You have a very distinctive writing style. All three of the one-shots I've read at this point for your challenge win (as well as Golden Chains) are very introspective, in a lot of ways. That doesn't make for a quick, light read, but it does make for an interesting and thought-provoking one. You have this way of taking minor characters and really exploring them and giving them new depth.

In this story, you managed to work in enough description to elicit a very strong reaction from me, despite the fact that it was pretty much all Regulus's reflections, rather than something that was going on at the time. That can be difficult to do right, but you managed it, and worked in all the right details - things like Regulus not remembering the woman's face was absolutely perfect, because in a lot of ways, it felt more real to me than a dramatic, "I will remember her face forever" sort of sentiment would. That's not to say that that's wrong - it's just sometimes a bit overdone.

You did an excellent job of humanising Regulus without whitewashing him. You didn't try to portray him as a good human being, deep down - you portrayed him as a prejudiced human being who didn't really have the stomach to torture people. (Your portrayal of him actually reminds me a little of how I imagine Draco Malfoy to be during the 6th and 7th books.) We're never really told why Regulus has a change of heart, only that he does, and you've presented this catalyst in a way that fits beautifully with canon - it compliments it, but it introduces a new interpretation of the events. I never even thoughts of Regulus standing there waiting for them, and the idea really sent the gears in my brain spinning.

There were a few things that felt a little off to me. They're quite minor, but I thought I'd mention them, in hopes of being at least somewhat helpful to you.

In the paragraph starting, I accept that I'm easily swayed by my parents: the comment that he dislikes muggles of all types seemed a little strange to me. What types? It just felt a unnecessary as a description. Similarly, when he says that he love[s] the colour green, that felt a little overly simplistic for me. It's just such a shallow characteristic, and seemed out of place amidst the much more serious ones.

I also felt like when Regulus is thinking about how he still believes in those ideals, you were a little heavy-handed with the narrative. For example, Mudbloods truly do have dirty blood that infects everything they touch just seemed a little too defensive; if he really feels that way, it should be more natural and taken for granted when he talks about that prejudice.

Other than that, you (once again) did a great job, and I thoroughly enjoyed this!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing and no- I definitely don't see you as a lame reviewer. Not at all. You're very good at balancing out a review and giving the necessary critique, something that I appreciate.

I hope that having a distinctive writing style is a good thing. I definitely do enjoy exploring the personalities of minor characters because there's so much more that's unknown about them. With them it's truly up to you to decide how they ended up like they did- there are no expectations.

I'm glad that you liked my description- it didn't make sense in my opinion that Regulus would remember her face because to me, Regulus would be trying to avoid looking at her. I'm also pleased that you liked my characterization of Regulus- I don't know if I ever consciously made the decision not to make him a "good guy". I think that, as I was writing, I thought of explanations for his behaviour that, for me, fit better with his past and I liked my reasoning.

I can definitely see what you mean about the colour green but, if I can remember correctly, I believe that what I was trying to get at the fact (I don't know how to phrase this properly) that Regulus was aware that there were "different types" of mudbloods and muggles, such as the mudbloods who try their best to fit into the Wizarding world, those who try to change it and that there are muggles who are intelligent and refined in their own way, and didn't care. However, I think that I should go back and expand on that thought so that no one else will be confused by it.

Hmmm... I see what you mean about those lines. I think that I was trying to show that he is defensive of his beliefs because Sirius had left him and he was trying to justify himself, the younger, "inadequate" son.

Thanks once again for the review- I will definitely be taking your comments into consideration when I edit this story!


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