Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:CambAngst says:
Hi. Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the Common Room.

Based on the author's note, I'm guessing that this is one of the earlier things you've written. The idea is solid, but the writing is noticeably rougher than some of your other work that I've read. I noticed a couple of typos, so just to get those out of the way:

- James now felt relax, in full control of the situation. - should be relaxed?

- Ron let go of a deep breath he had not even realise he was holding. - realised?

The dialog felt a little too rigid and formal, especially for James but also for Ron. This is pretty common in the first fic that most people write, and it's easily forgivable. It would read much better if you loosened everything up and peppered it with more colloquialisms and a bit of Brit-speak here and there.

SPEW was a very clever way for James to get back at Ron, and I also liked how Ron managed to turn it back on Harry at the end. Sounds like they're both going to be sacrificing some time for elvish welfare in the not too distant future.

Overall, a pretty nice outing for you. I'll keep an eye out for you in the thread!

Author's Response: Sorry for the delay in response, real life got the best of me since Christmas and trying to write and read went first, before answring reviews...

Thank you so much for reading this and for the honesty. I'm actually really glad you commented on the quality of the writting; shows I improved! Victory!

I will get to those pesky typos immediatly, thanks for pointing them out! As for the dialogue, you are right as well, I should try to loosen up a bit in my dialogues and that comes back with every story, doesn't it? Goes to show that THIS is the next thing I should be working on in the next year! Thank you for fixing my new goal!!!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 157
Submit Report: