Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Alopex says:
Wow. o_O This was . . . violent. I'm a bit of a wimp when it comes to violence. I'm glad I didn't start with it as I almost did, or I might have decided not to read the others. :P

Before I started reading, I was really interested to see how a one-shot would compare to your first chapters of WIPs, because there obviously is a significant difference between the first chapter of what's meant to be a longer story and the only chapter of a story that's meant to be . . . short.

Ok, moving a bit past the Captain Obvious stuff now. I really thought this story seemed more polished than the other two chapters I read. I don't know if it's because you've had it around longer and have had more time to edit and tweak it, or if it just feels that way because I know this is some snapshot in time, rather than a beginning to something larger. The point is, I thought this story had a more flowing sentence structure.

It's intriguing to write about characters without naming them or including much dialogue. I wrote a story like that myself once, although I did have a particular main character in mind, who I did name at the very end. It really does force you as a writer to focus on the setting and characters, rather than relying on the dialogue to drive the chapter. You seem pretty good at the description, so I don't know how it is for you, but I know I personally tend to lean on dialogue as a crutch when I get stuck.

I have my own ideas about who the "unidentified female Death Eater" might be, of course. I suppose that I'm not the first one to notice that she definitely bears a certain resemblance to Bellatrix Lestrange (movie Bellatrix, in particular).

My impression of your writing so far is that you are a strong descriptive writer. My vague advice for future writing, especially subsequent chapters in your WIPs, would be to make sure you include enough substance in your chapters to balance the descriptions. Keep polishing your skills--beta reading helps with this!--and you should grow more comfortable with it all.

Author's Response: :O long review!

Here goes!

It is violent, very violent I guess.

This is definitely more polished, I agree. Mainly because I spent ages obsessing over it. Even then, I had to correct a good few mistakes with an edit. Hopefully that's all done now. :)

This was a personal challenge for me. No identifiable characters, and no dialogue. They are something that I knew I would hide behind, so I really tried to focus on description.

Of course the Death Eater has some very strong connections with Bellatrix. I think she has such an intriguing character, mimicking it was a fun exercise to do.

Thanks again for these reviews, and thank you for all of your feedback across the three chapters. You're just amazing, and this has made a brilliant end to the day!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net