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Review:DracoFerret11 says:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here with your review. I'll talk about your concerns first, then move on to my comments. Away we go!

Imagery: wow...just, wow. I have no words good enough to talk about how much I loved your descriptions, especially the parallel between the shadows and children. It was amazingly poignant. I was incredibly impressed, some of the best imagery I've read in fanfiction. Great job!

Characterization: hm, here there are some discrepancies. Bellatrix isn't too bad. She's pretty good, actually. I liked the way you described her marriage-of-convenience with Rodolphus. That was very well done. I also liked that she wasn't able to keep her composure around Voldemort. Good job. Now...Voldemort himself I have some issues with. First off, I don't think he would ever change his appearance back to the more human-looking one. He LIKES looking snakelike and weird. For some reason. Then...he's too nice to Bellatrix. I just don't see him having that kind of humanity. And trusting her enough to tell her what his horcruxes were? I don't think so. He doesn't trust anyone. He doesn't want friends. So that was a bit odd for me. And that he danced with her. That's just such a human thing to do...and he's really far past that. But I understand why it was there. I suppose that makes sense, but it IS OOC, if that's what you wanted to know.

I already mentioned how great your descriptions were...awesome, by the way. Just awesome. The plot itself was pretty good too. I like that you showed a sort of...vulnerability about Bella that we usually don't see. That was well done. You voice here was great too, and tone, etc. I can't really think of much more to comment on. I think you did a very good job.

--Emily

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for coming by so quickly! I'm glad that you liked the imagery and it didn't come across as being too overdone. I'm also pleased that the voice and tone worked well.

I'm glad you liked Bella. I wanted to soften her up a bit and make her the weaker character in this exchange, which is the film noir aspect of it -- the anti-hero (or heroine, in this case) and the "femme fatale" (which I've transposed onto a male figure here).

Voldemort... hmm. I tried to make it clear with the summary and his actions that he was entrapping her with the way he was acting, that it was more of a seduction than a genuine romantic relationship. Everything he did - the change in appearance, the illusion of trust, the dancing - was supposed to be his way of getting what he wanted from her. (Also, she had to have known that the objects he selected had some significance, because she kept them in her vault for him. Maybe I created a bit too much of a leap with actually admitting that they were Horcruxes, though.) Your review suggests that I got that totally wrong, which is a bit of a concern, but this is why people request reviews, so I appreciate your honesty.

Thanks for your awesome review! :)

academica

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