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Review:DracoFerret11 says:
Mmkay, hello again! Don't forget to respond to the reviews I leave! :] I hope you're doing well, so we'll just jump right into the review. Let's go!

Characterization: Well, here there was a lot of Capri and Sirius, as well as this Jason fellow. Capri herself is wonderfully believable which I love. I'm so glad you're avoiding Mary-Sue land. I absolutely LOVED the ending of this chapter. She's right to feel bad about imagining that she was kissing Sirius, and I totally understand why she's so conflicted. Sirius himself is perfect here. He's trying to figure out his feelings and avoiding his best friend seems like a good idea, even after he's so sweet to her when she has a hangover. He's a good friend, but he's hurt right now so I completely agree with how he's acting. And Jason...hm. I don't know what to think of him. I'm torn between thinking he's just a nice guy who stumbled upon the wrong girl at the wrong time...and thinking there's something sinister about how perfect he is. Hmmm...we'll see.

Interactions: very good! The Capri/Sirius friendship was very believable, especially during her hangover and after he's started avoiding her. And Capri/Jason is also good. He's so perfect it makes me sick...but we'll see how it goes. I do feel bad for him that she doesn't actually like him, even if she's trying to.

Believability: you have another box checked here. It's still a believable story and I think you're doing well. Though I'm not sure if Caprice could really skip so many classes and not get in trouble for it. That's teetering on cliche Mary-Sue land.

Flow and pace: check and check. No complaints.

So, I think you're doing very well. The ending of this chapter in particular was very powerful. I was impressed how realistic it was. I could really connect with your characters which is awesome. Keep up the wonderful work and I'll read the next chapter soon! :]

--Emily

Author's Response: Hey hey!
Thanks again for coming back to review! You're awesome!
So good to know Capri's far from Mary Sue! seriously it's the most important thing to know about your OC.

hahahhaha everyone thinks Jason is shady! I love that everyone is so skeptic about him. Like he's way too perfect to be real! haha!

Yup Sirius and Capri are unique friends, they are still discovering how deep their friendship is really and what boundaries they are willing to cross.

Umm Arrrgh! Mary Sue! ok to be clear she just skipped two classes, and Jason just happened to find her at both situations. So...

Ok I hope that you're enjoying the story so far and that the plot is developing slowly. I usually like to show instead of tell but with Jason I thought I'd just have Capri tell whats going on because it's difficult to manage so many OCs that are alien to the readers. Anyways THANK YOU SO MUCH! for reading reviewing and taking the time to let me know what you liked and what I could improve on! Thanks a million! :) :) :)


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