|Review:||Woodrow Rynne says:|
Hey there! Here with your challenge review! (Finally! Gosh... :P)
I had actually read this before (as soon as you submitted actually, but I didn't leave a review because I wanted to give a proper one). It's Pansy. and Draco! I had guessed it straightaway because your characterisation was so utterly fantastic! (Although, 'unfathomable grey eyes'- that helped :P) Their reactions were so canon and realistic! I, for one, can never write canon characters properly, but you put a lot of thought into this, and it paid off very well!
And you actually made me care for Pansy, which is huge, considering I always loathed her as a character. I think this line has to be my favourite- it underlined her thoughts about him so well. Because she was so sure of her self, on one level, wasn't she?
“That’s impossible,” she sputtered, unable to comprehend what he was saying. She couldn’t believe this was happening. “We were supposed to be together forever.”
I also loved how you didn't merely show one aspect of their personality; rather, the smaller quirks that made your writing more vivid and relateable, even in a one-shot. Like her being a slob, or never planning ahead, or being so different from him.
I think this summed up the story perfectly, and it actually made my heart ache, He really never did understand her; not her messiness, not her packing, not her hopes and dreams.
If he did, he wouldn’t have led her on this long. He would have put a stop to it long before he could break her heart.
But he didn’t.
Draco was so well characterised too. Very canon, in a way. Like he doesn't really want to be harsh, but well, he is.
Overall, your writing is very pleasing to read; it has the perfect amount of descriptions and your dialogue is better than I could ever hope mine to be :P. You managed the challenge very well, and I liked how you actually wrote a scene from their life, rather than writing a monologue as most people interpret this challenge to be about.
Great work! :D
Author's Response: Hey! Wow, long review. I LOVE long reviews! It's cool about not leaving a review the first time you read it though, I understand that some like to wait until the challenge is over to read all the stories so they don't forget and have to reread them.
Yes, you are correct about it being Pansy and Draco although it's not like I didn't think it was obvious. Also, yes, I was pretty positive the line about his grey eyes would be a dead giveaway. I am so glad you thought the characterization was so great and realistic, I really did put a lot of thought into writing this and really wanted to keep it canon.
Yes, apparently I made a lot of people care for Pansy, which was my goal but it turned out better than I thought it would. I'd been wanting to write something about Pansy for a long time and when this idea popped into my head I just had to go for it. And, yes, she was very sure of herself (I think that's a big part of her character and it adds to her stubbornness) and I'm glad you liked that line, although now that I think about it, it probably would have been more fitting if it was in present tense... or I don't know, it just looks weird to me for some reason.
And yeah, I wanted to describe them in proper detail and make them into real people with quirks and flaws, especially with Pansy because in the books she is such a flat character, you know? We only ever really see her insulting other students or fawning over Draco and I so I really wanted to flesh her out and show that there's more to her than that. And apparently I'm not done with her yet either because I've started a sequel (of sorts) but right now it's not turning out so well.
That is EXACTLY how Draco is in this story. You have that down to a t. He kind of reminds me of me in that respect, I don't want to be harsh, but sometimes there's just no better or nicer way to say something.
Thank you so much. I'm so glad you like the writing and the dialogue (sometimes I let myself get carried away because I'm so dialogue-oriented, I prefer writing conversations over anything else really. And yeah, that was actually the basic original idea to go back and forth between past and present (I tried to write it that way but in the end I ended up having to write the break-up first before I could really progress with the present scenes), but yeah, um, I don't think the story would have had near as much impact without the past scene. Although, it was really hard to keep the characters from saying each other's names during the really dramatic parts.
I'm so glad you liked the story though and thanks so much for the long and lovely review! I can't wait to see the results of the challenge!