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Review:sophie_hatter says:
Hello there! here for the review battle, but must admit I've been hoping your name would pop up at the bottom as I love reading your stuff, and I really enjoyed the first chapter of ATAN.

This was a strong start to the chapter. The idea that it's funny to perform magic on younger siblings when you are just 17 amused me, and Molly seemed to react to this realistically.

There were some lovely sentiments: I liked your distinction between growing upwards and growing up, as well as the beautifully phrased 'The older she became the more she began to realise how young she was.'

I also liked how you depicted Molly working out who she is, and coming to terms with what it means to be an adult. It felt sincere and gave me a really good sense of who she is. The conversations with her friends flowed well, and you did a good job of making me feel how close they all are.

I'm not sure if I'm keen on the idea of chapters that are out of chronological order, but I've seen it work before, and I'm definitely really keen to see what you come up with next!

I thought you had a fair few little typos and grammatical bits in there, but another read though should pick most of them up. Here are some of the picky ones that I spotted:

'the short eleven year olds boy's' - you don't need the apostrophe.

'most of them were boarding on six foot' - should be 'bordering'

'The change in the girl's who she'd shared a dorm with' - again, you don't need the apostrophe.

'anorexia levels we're down' - should be 'were'

'By doubling your chest side' - should be 'size'

You had quite a few very long sentence in there that would have read better broken up more. She says, feeling like a bit of a hypocrite!

And remember that when closing dialogue, you should only finish with a comma if there is more to the sentence to follow, like a dialogue tag. So, "Nah, Molly, you love the arguing," should be "Nah, Molly, you love the arguing."

Overall - good job, and it's a pleasure to break your review duck for the chapter:-)

Author's Response: Hello there Sophie Hatter! Awhh, I'm flattered that you wanted my name to come up and I'm sure glad you got the chance to come and leave me this lovely review.

I had real trouble with this chapter untill it suddenly clicked, and then I wrote it and then I shoved it in the queue after a quick edit. Thanks for pointing all those things out and I'll go edit it and resubmit it in just one second.


I love Molly, so I'm glad you enjoyed her too. Thanks for the lovely review!

-AC


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