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Review:LionsRule says:
Hello there! LionsRule here from the forums with your requested review. Please forgive me for the terrible wait (I know it's been over a month since you requested this) but better late than never, right? :)

First off, you opened this chapter really well. I always have issues opening into a scene, and I think you glided into the opening very smoothly. Your characters seem very interesting already.

Once thing I would recommend would not be making your paragraphs so large and separating the dialouge from them a bit more. It would generally make the chapter easier to read. Not that it's bad now, just an idea for you to improve.

Your writing flows really nicely, and your descriptions are beautiful. Your characters thoughts are really well-developed and seriously, I can't get over how amazingly well you describe things. I tried to find a quote or a passage for an example, but the whole chapter just has amazing descriptions, so I couldn't pick!

Your ending was the perfect cliffhanger. This seems as though it has the potential to blossom into a really amazing story, so stick with it. Thanks for requesting, and once again, I'm really sorry for the delay in getting this up!

- Jacqueline

Author's Response: Okay, so, it has taken me an appallingly long time to respond to this -- so let me apologise! I'm so sorry! I haven't logged on here in a while, though that's absolutely no excuse. And thank you for taking the time to review, I appreciate it. :)

I actually prefer longer paragraphs, though I do see your point. Long paragraphs can be a I guess? *dies* Yeah. I know what you mean. They are a bit lengthy -- I'll have to go through and see if I can find a point of cut-off that's smaller. ^_^

But thank you for your kind words! I fret constantly over my writing lolol so I'm super glad that you like my descriptions and that it flows okay. :) -squishes you-

thank you so much again! I still smile when I read this review. ^_^ ♥


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