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Review:DracoFerret11 says:
Hello! Me again.

Well, let's get started: there are some issues at the beginning of this chapter and throughout it with sentence structure. You get bogged down in the sentence and forget words or skip over important details and then I have to reread things to understand where you're going. So maybe double-check about that. :] For instance, at the beginning, one of yoru missteps: you have a sentence that says something about Jill putting her "arms on her hips" instead of her hands on her hips. Just things like that. So...check it out. :]

Another thing: in one of your responses to my reviews, you said that Hiba and Jill were supposed to be Hufflepuffs, but here they're in Ravenclaw. So the letter where the prefect who left school was in Hufflepuff...she should have also been in Ravenclaw? :P I don't know which you want them to be in, just remember to be consistent.

The characters! Well, I love them to say the least. Neither Hiba nor Jill are Mary-Sues, which is awesome. They're good characters and their emotions are described quite well. I think you're doing a great job.

The plot seems pretty good too. It will be interesting to see where Hiba goes from here and how she ends up with Remus, despite her religion. And how she deals with being a prefect! Very good story idea. I think you've got something brilliantly original and I like that a lot.

Keep up the good work, and maybe throw in some more descriptions, and you'll be golden. Great job!


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