Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:DracoFerret11 says:
Hey there, it's DarkRose again.

Well, here are some opinions on the chapter:

I think that Caprice and Sirius have a cute friendship and I'm fond of the fact that they consider themselves "best friends," but what about James? How does he work into the plot if Sirius has a different best friend? Maybe it will still make sense. :] We'll see.

Ah, right after she finds out that Sirius is leaving...DRAMATIC! She just spazzes! I felt uncomfortable and I'm not even there, haha. If I were Sirius, I would be weirded out, even if she WAS my best friend. Freaky.

A couple of things that might turn this story cliche/cheesy: if Caprice becomes the "Fifth Marauder," so to say, hanging around them and participating in their pranks...eesh. You might want to steer clear of that. Also, the fact that she's on the Quidditch team and has this "Striker" title seems a little Mary-Sue. Careful!

So, characterization: I didn't mind either Sirius or Caprice here. I mentioned what did weird me out, but overall, they were good. I liked that Sirius was totally a guy at the end and got distracted and didn't write. That's a good characterization point.

Interactions were pretty good. That's how I write friendships between girls and guys. :] With petnames and hugging and things like that. People sometimes say it's too close for friendship, but I like it.

Your believability is also doing fine right now. It's a tiny bit of a cliche plot-line with the Fifth Marauder scenario, but I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Flow and pace are doing fine here too. You also wanted to know about word choice...I didn't see anything that bothered me. So! I think you're doing well. I'll read chapter six ASAP!

--Emily

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 179
Submit Report: