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Review:DracoFerret11 says:
Hello there, it's DarkRose from the forums, here with your review! :]

One word: wow. I literally am just...very impressed. This was an incredibly powerful first chapter. I'll touch on the things you wanted my opinions on, and then I'll see if I have anything else to say. So, here we go.

Style: I thought your style was beautiful. Structure is really a part of this and I couldn't find flaw in how you wrote this. I thought the style was beautiful and immensely powerful for a character that we currently know nothing about. I really could FEEL the emotions here and that impressed me a lot.

Flow: definitely on par. Not too much to go on yet, but this chapter went along nicely. No complaints here. :]

Plot: well, you obviously have something interesting here! I definitely think you've hooked readers with this opening chapter. It makes them want to know how this girl got to this point and what happened to make her this way. And how Sirius works into it all! I'm interested, for sure. :]

Characterization: this was pretty great. There were a couple of places where it slipped (at the beginning where she was thinking how much she hated the other Death Eaters), but mostly it was good. I didn't quite understand how she mustered enough hate to kill the man though. The Avada Kedavra requires that you really have to MEAN it, but maybe we'll learn about that later. The dark humor was appreciated, but I'm interested to see how you'll work it through the rest of the story. Good luck! :]

Overall, I think you did very well. I was surprised how dramatic the whole thing was. I really felt connected to the character and felt a lot of sympathy for her situation. I can't wait to see where she came from. I'll read chapter two ASAP!

Great job, keep up the good work!

--Emily

Author's Response: Hi Emily, all i have to say is WOW, thank you for this lovely review! You've made me squee so much reading all your comments and i'm so pleased that you think i have a nice story here.

As for the characterization comment, i'm not sure exactly what you mean when it slipped with the Death Eaters, but i'll take a look. I hope that more understanding with how she's come to be able to mean it will come as the chapters go on. I think, for her, the fact that she COULD kill someone sort of shocked her as well. I think that each one of us has the ability to do what she's done, given the right circumstances. It wasn't exactly hate, i think for Avada Kedavra to work, you just have to mean it, and really mean it and want the person dead. This is how i interpret it anyway.

Thans again for your lovely review and kind words and am so pleased that you think this is a good story. :D

-zayne


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