Hey! Thanks for the swap :)
So this is a really neat moment in wizarding history to address. I'm a little surprised that so many people came faithfully, considering that it was the twenty-fourth anniversary, but I suppose the event would mean a lot to the whole community. I did really like your characterization; no one was too over the top or acted in an unpredictable way. Flitwick's speech was really sweet, too. The one part of the speeches that I took issue with was Ron's remark about Rookwood and the applause of everyone in the Great Hall. Remember, Harry offered even Voldemort the chance to feel some remorse for his crimes and take his last chance to regret what he'd done and make a new start. Rookwood obviously did some terrible things, and I recognize that Fred was dearly loved by many people in attendance at the event, but I'm not sure that anyone would openly applaud someone's death unless it was Voldemort himself. The emotion just didn't seem right for the tone and purpose of the event. Do you see what I'm saying? I would just reconsider that point, that's all.
The ending was super interesting, and I'm curious to see what will happen next. There were a couple times again in the second half where the emotion seemed off to me - first, when Albus was laughing right after telling the story of Mallory's father being in prison, and again when Lily was having to control her breath. You can kind of figure out what I'm saying about the first thing, but with Lily, it just seems like she might not get quite so worked up over someone she never even met, though I can understand shedding some tears when faced with such a mournful event. Try to play it out in your mind and use emotions that make sense to you, like how you would feel in different situations. That sometimes helps to keep the emotion realistic :) Also, you've got a few typos, but it's nothing that can't be fixed with some extra proofreading or the help of a good beta.
Nice start! :)
Author's Response: You're welcome! Sorry for the long wait! :)
I think that people really want to come since it was such a big day and it was so momentous to all of them. You have a point since it was like, 24 years ago, but I thought there would still be a crowd :)
I'm glad you liked the speeches :D
My thinking behind them applauding at Rookwood's death was that, although he was indeed human, he had stolen lives and now he couldn't take anymore. I'm sure everyone has different opinions though, and that's cool :)
I see what you're saying completely about that moment though and thank you for sharing that with me. I prefer readers that give that constructive critisicm, so I'm glad you're helpful:D
Al laughing: I wasn't really trying to make him be laughing at Mallory's father being in prison, he doesn't like her and thinks she was annoying, so that was my thinking. i now realize it wasn't clear though, so thanks for the advice (:
In the beginning of the story especially, Lily is a very vulnerable person and she's really charasmatic, which is why I had her get so upset. She was, after all, the one nearly in tears in the epilogue when she couldn't go too :)
I'll work with planning it out more :)
Thanks for the review! I'm now on to your story! :D