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Review:apocalypse says:
Hey, this is apocalypse, back another review for you!

Wow. This chapter was so beautifully written that I too, lost myself in the beauty around her. You have such a talent for this and I really like how you use it to write such a story =) The beginning was perfect and caught my attention immediately. There was a veryy brief instant where I felt some confusion as the description got too much but I got over that pretty fast and found the rest of the read brilliant.

I really like how you've progressed Luna's character. She's impulsive and decisive and does not regret her decisions at all. This side of her personality seems very interesting due to the way you write it. Her independence is what strikes me as her most endearing quality making her a like-able character instantly. Although I think that this is perfect and does not need more editing, I just feel like there's something missing. Luna's matured and has very different thoughts than she has known to have but I still feel that there should be more on her beliefs, you know? Like the belief about 'nargles'; the ridiculous notion about the crumpled horned snorkacks, maybe? I just feel that the slightly silly element of her character should remain there and only the level should change.

Plus, when you were listing what she had brought along with her, I was expecting to read something like her carrot shaped earrings? Something that stands out but she thinks it's an essential part of her attire. I don't know.. Maybe I'm sounding completely wrong to you but that's what I felt and I thought I should let you know =)

Moving on, I really really like the way she met Rolf. On a snow covered peak, under the beautiful sky, accompanied by the scenic beauty, and of course Professor Davin but who's counting him? =P; there couldn't have been a better way you could have made them meet. Moreover I think that making him a naturalist was a very good (and convenient) for your story and Luna's grand adventure. That's exactly what she needs =D

Rolf seems like a person I'm going to like. He's already very sweet and has grabbed my attention, I can't wait to see how you continue with their relationship. =) Plus, I just love the blue of his eyes that you described =P

As I've read two chapter now, I think I'll talk about their congruity here. The chapters I've read so far are congruent enough and they allow the flow of the story to remain persistent. There was a gap between the scenes of the previous chapter and this one but I think that you covered that by explaining how she ended up on the hill in the first place. So, yes, the chapters are indeed congruent, so far. =)

A very good chapter! I enjoyed reading it and can't wait to learn more about Rolf! =) Keep it up!

Author's Response: Hello again!

I appreciate your critique of Luna's character. I think I wanted to lay the ground work for her before bringing in the things we already know about her. I will definitely keep your suggestions in mind as I progress in the story. Perhaps more of her beliefs will come out as Luna and Rolf get a chance to talk some more.

Thank you so much!


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