|Review:||In The Shadows I Dwell says:|
It's Ash from the forums here with your reviews! Let me start by saying your level of detail is absolutely fantastic! I absolutely love detail and the attention you have given in this particular chapter is amazing. It was easy to picture this scene, and your writing was amazing from start to finish. The second person perspective works well for this piece, it certainly created a strong connection with me as I was reading and that's always a good thing, and having it from Teddy's perspective works extremely well as I'm definitely interested to see where this goes. I've never particularly seen Victoire portrayed as some sort of monster but it makes sense the way you have written it. It's clear that it's an unhealthy relationship in a lot of ways, and I really think you've captured this well across this entire chapter.
I really can't fault anything about this chapter, and I really see very few areas where I believe it could be improved - certainly something rare to see when reading. The style of writing certainly works for you, I was amazed as a reader how effortlessly it seemed to flow, and the chapter passed by before I knew it, and I was definitely left wanting to read more. The last words were particularly haunting and left the reader with a sense of what was happening and what is to come in later chapters, and it seems to give a particular insight into the mind of Teddy that despite everything he is searching for her, stopping her from escaping. The only area I could possibly suggest perhaps changing a little is making it a little more clear who the narrator is as it did take me a while to figure out who it was, but it was made more clear towards the end so it's not a massive issue at all really, it was really the only thing I noticed overall.
You have created a really interesting beginning to this fic, and it's extremely well written. It's dark and it presents a ship that I've read quite a bit of in an entirely unique way, it's interesting that you've portrayed Teddy as half werewolf, but it's in a way which seems possible and is certainly believable considering it is the first I've read of such a thing happening to him. I think overall this is an excellent beginning to what sounds like it's going to be an extremely interesting story. Despite not having seen Victoire yet, you've given the reader enough information to draw some conclusions about her personality as well as Teddy's and I really can't wait to see what they are like if he manages to find her.
This was a great start to your story, it's hauntingly written and I'm sure it will stay with me for some time long after I've finished it! Keep up the amazing work!
Author's Response: Hi Ash!
Sorry it has taken me so long to reply to this amazing review! Really, it's been almost eight months - just blame my massive lack of productivity and my amazing procrastination skills. But here I am, finally, to respond to this amazing review - hopefully I will do it justice.
Really? Detail? This was my first time writing in this waffly, slightly flowery style, and the thing I was most worried about was whether the readers would even understand what was going on - vague metaphors and ridiculous imagery can sometimes means nobody has a clue what's going on. I was worried about that with this - but also making the mistake of revealing things too soon in the first chapter. Eh, confusing.
I love writing in second person perspective - it's definitely fancier, and I think, and the story seems to flow better. It engages the reader more, so I'm so glad you like it and think it works! I really wanted them to have a better sense of the characters as the writing style means that descriptions and introductions and backstories are all left out, and I hoped this narrative did that. I needed to show their unhealthy relationship - Victoire is a monster (her mother's got Veela blood, her father was bitten by a werewolf) and Teddy keeps wanting to get revenge. He has these dark, angry thoughts but then when he sees her, he can't help but fall under her charms.
Thank you so much for your lovely comments, I'm so happy you didn't see any mistakes and you liked the style of writing - really, thank you so much, you're too kind. I worked hard on the endings to the chapters to make sure they didn't give too much away, and left the readers wanting more. I'll have to look about the narrator thing - I can understand where you're coming from - and edit it up.
Thank you so much for the review! It really is so wonderful!