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Review:MercyWaters says:
This has a nice premise to it, but it seems like there's just something lacking. Slow down the pace of your writing, don't skip between scenes so fast and really try and focus on what you're writing. Be sure to describe things in full and elaborate on a scene or situation as much as possible. The scene where Rose and Scorpius met was nice, but you could've definitely expanded on it more. When writing, remember to focus on the five sense: sight, sound, taste, touch and smell. Use them whenever you can, and you won't be lacking in descriptions. Don't overkill, though!

The initial dialogue sounds a bit awkward. It sounds too formal and unrealistic to be a conversation between a family, and you should really interject something other than just what they're saying. It's fine to only have dialogue for two or three lines, but going on for so long with nothing BUT dialogue can quickly go downhill if you're not careful.

When writing, be careful not to use too many commas. It's a really common mistake that many authors make. Too many commas create unnecessary pauses in the writing and make it look and sound messy.

Lastly, you've got a few typos. When the Scamander twins are talking about their last name and say "over rated," it should really be "overrated." Also "quitich" is a proper noun that's spelled Quidditch.

Thank you for requesting a review!

Author's Response: Thank you very much some very good advise. I am deffenintly going to go back and edit, becauase it needs some work. Thank you for the help! :)

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