Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:In The Shadows I Dwell says:
Hi!
It's Ash from the forums here with your review. I have to say this is an extremely intriguing beginning to your story. I've never read anything in the second person, so this is a bit of a new experience for me as well, although I believe it was well written despite me not having experienced this perspective before. It wasn't too wordy and it gave enough detail to make me curious as to where the story would go. I also like that you're telling the story from Molly's perspective, as for me, that is another first. I always love seeing the world from the eyes of one of the lesser used Weasley's, and you've certainly provided the reader with a clear sense of her personality and begin to give us a sense of what is occurring without giving too much information away and although that can be slightly confusing as we don't have all the information just yet, it makes me personally want to read on to find out more.

I agree that the prologue is rather short, but at the same time it's a nice length for a prologue, you don't want to have it too long and you don't want it too short, and I think you've got the balance right here. It certainly tells a lot to the reader about your characters and potentially what will develop later on in the story, so I do think you've done a good job there. I also have no spelling or grammar issues to note as your writing was excellent across the entire chapter.

The only area I could suggest for improvement is perhaps giving more detail on some of the characters mentioned, I was slightly confused about the role of Madam Dagnell who I'm assuming is the school nurse although it was clear that she is responsible for watching over Molly. Another aspect that could perhaps use slightly more detail is the book mentioned, perhaps how it came to be in the library and was created and how exactly it caused her to share a body with another. They were just a few things I thought of as I was reading that I thought might need a little bit more detail in future chapters, although it's entirely up to you, I just love detail in general!

I really love how you've written this, it's descriptive and it certainly brings the whole scene to life, I could actually imagine it within my mind. I think you've really used the style of this piece well and it really is written wonderfully! You're characters are interesting and unique, and they certainly seem to be leaping off the screen right at me as I read. It is easy to picture them in these situations and acting in these ways as you've captured them well, not just Molly, but Victoire as well, it was easy to picture her looking out for her cousin. I also love how the narration style has really allowed Molly's "other half" I suppose I shall call it, to show and how it thinks and acts towards others. I'm certainly looking forward to seeing how it develops into the future, and what these plans she has begun to make unfold and whether or not she manages to survive this potion.

You have a brilliant start here, and I cannot wait to see more!
~ Ash

Author's Response: Thanks! Second person was a bit weird at first, but it got easier after a while. The story mostly developed around Molly, because I think she's a really interesting character, mostly because, as you said, she's hardly ever written about. Yeah, I know it's a bit confusing (there's an edited version in the queue at the moment which should be a bit clearer) but there's not much I can give away at the moment, unfortunately...
I'm glad it's the right sort of length because I normally write chapters (and one-shots) that are about twice this length :D so it was a little weird.
Ah, right, yeah. I sort of forgot I'd have to explain who Madam Dagnell is - she is the school Nurse. She won't turn up for a while, though. As for the book and Malea... those questions will be answered, according to the plan in my head, but not until very, very close to the end of the story. Sorry!
Gosh, thanks! It's kinda like my new baby, I really enjoy writing it, so I'm glad you like it too!

Thanks for the lovely review!
Aph xx


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 781
Submit Report: