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Review:Roots in Water says:
Tag!

I really enjoyed reading this story and I think that it was really clever and funny to bring back SPEW, especially against Ron. While he's married to Hermione, he really needs to watch what he says about that topic.

I think that your characterizations of Ron, James and Harry were very well done. Ron acted just like I thought he would in this situation- tricky and flustered. I imagine that Hermione had told him to clean the attic and he thought that the game of chess was the perfect way to get out of it. Harry and James' prank was great but they were no match for the brother of George and Fred!

I did notice a few little things that would be easy to fix if you so choose. To begin, with "his concentration was abruptly cut short", I don't think that "concentration" is the best word for what I think you're trying to say... Instead, I think that "reading time" or something along those lines would work better because I don't think that concentration can be cut short. As well, with "ask the looser", it should be "loser". And I wasn't quite sure what you meant when you said that James "instantly hoped on" Harry's smile... Did you mean "hopped on"? Finally, when Ginny says "turn out good", were you trying to show something about her character because grammatically it should be "well".

All in all, I think that you did a great job with this one-shot. It was quite funny and I especially enjoyed the last sentence. The prank got way out of Harry and James' hands and now they'll all be swamped by women complaining about the state of the house-elves. That definitely wasn't what Harry or James thought would happen. Not so fool-proof, now, is it? Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for this nice review and for pointing out some of the errors in this piece!
This was my first one-shot (second story) and I never really went back to correct all the errors in it. Now that I have a banner, people seem more interested in this story so, I shall correct these things right now!

I'm glad you liked it though, and that you thought the characterization was alright. When it comes to cleaning the attic, that is exactly what I thought! That Hermione asked him and he found a way out of it!!
I'm glad you liked the ending; poor Harry will definitly have it come back to his face!

Thanks again for the review and I will go and correct things right now!


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