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Review:Roots in Water says:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

This was a very good one-shot, focusing on a "missing moment" in the series. It was interesting reading it because this definitely could have happened in the series- James could have been called away on Order business on Christmas.

I think that your dialogue was realistic- it certainly didn't come across as stilted. James and Sirius had that playful quality I always pictured them as having- the Dumbledore impression was quite funny. They seemed to have a brotherly bond and they weren't panicking about being chased by Death Eaters- in fact they were quite carefree. The mention of Remus on a full moon was in character and it was nice to see that they didn't yet suspect him of being the traitor.

I did notice a few very small things while I was reading. To begin, with the sentence "forest, they moved so quickly" I would add a "for" or "because" in place of the comma because it seemed awkward when I reading it. As well, with "assailantsí howling at waning moon" I was confused because I thought they were being chased by Death Eaters. If I'm correct, why would they howl? If they are actually beasts, then I would add a "the" before "waning moon". Finally, with "Stag's eye's" it should be "Stag's eyes".

The flow of this story was very solid and smooth and I found it very interesting and well done that you showed two different perspectives of the same evening. I always find that I have problems writing action scenes but I think that you did very well in capturing the panic and activity of such a scene with your references to their running and the broken conversation.

Don't worry about the quality of the writing- this was very good and it captured the sentiments and moments that you were trying to capture. It was sweet and very fluffy. Thanks for requesting and I hope that my comments are helpful!

Author's Response: Comments are extremely helpful. :D As I said, it's my first one-shot. Trying to get the right feeling across, without rambling on for ages was tricky at first, but i'm glad you liked it ^_^

And i'll jump on those spelling mistakes/sentence structure. It's really helpful to have someone point stuff like that out. Sometimes you're too close to the work to notice little things like that, because you already know what you're talking about in your head.

I'm so glad you liked James and Sirius. That was worrying me, as trying to get that fine line between playful and believable was hard. All feedback is appreciated on that one. Thank you!


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