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Review:Beeezie says:
Hey, this is Beeezie here with your review for participating in the Seven Deadly Sins challenge! :)

This was a really sweet story. I thought that you captured both Ron and Luna really well; Ron seemed appropriately awkward and confused, and Luna seemed a lot like I'd imagine Luna to be as a child - intelligent and perceptive, but completely lost in her own world. When she asked Ron to help her look for nargles, I giggled, because I can completely see young Luna in particular doing that. The way she kind of talked around what nargles are rather than saying it straight out was also perfect, especially for a conversation with a very young Ron.

The only thing that seemed problematic about this story for me was your dialogue formatting. If a dialogue tag (he said, she asked, I whined, etc) directly follows a section of dialogue, there should never be a period between the two - it should be a comma, question mark, or exclamation point. Additionally, no matter what the punctuation mark you choose is, the dialogue tag should never be capitalized.

So, for example, the end of the first paragraph should have read, "I'm a shoe in if you ask me," the curly haired ginger said. The beginning of the sixth paragraph should have read, And whoever said that little Ron would want a hoity toity Ministry job?" interrupted Fred. There's a really great article on dialogue in the grammar guidelines area of the forums for a quick brush up if you need it.

Sweet story. Thank you so much for participating; I really enjoyed your entry! :)

Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it!
About the dialogue formatting stuff, that bit has always been a bit awkweird for me (i'm not sure it was ever actually explained to me the right way) so thank you!


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