Oh, Helen, I don't even know what to say. This is so heartbreaking and gorgeous and guh, my boys. You've given them such personality in this, all of them needing some sort of constant in their life. Remus drinking his tea, each time different, each time a reminder of someone else, someone dead and then his coffee - black. I think that breaks my heart the most.
I love how you switch from past to present. Going through Remus's routine as he deals with the grief of losing everything he's ever known, as his control slips away from him, and interweaving it with moments that remind us that they were just boys thrown into a war that none of them were ready for.
One of my favorite scenes is when they find out that Remus is a werewolf, and Sirius goes off on extra baggage and whatnot, and he just says, "Bite me." I don't know why, but it just seems like a very Sirius thing to do.
The subtlety of their (non-?)relationship is beautiful. The moment when they're sitting in front of the television and Sirius just kisses him, for real. Oh, boys, I love them so much.
Eugh, and then with Halloween, with Sirius and Peter forgetting about Remus and the full moon. That must've hurt Remus, to have to go through that alone after having them with him for years, and despite the fact that he rarely sees him - he still has faith that no one is the spy.
THEN THAT LAST SCENE. Just...Sirius, why? Of all the people he could have blamed, he blamed Remus just because he needed to blame someone. That hurts, a lot. I like to think that maybe it was because Sirius was afraid of Remus, of the feelings he probably had for him, afraid that he'd lose that control he had over his life. At least in my mind if I think of it that way, it makes sense and I don't want to smack Sirius for being an idiot.
Just, oh my god, thank you so much for writing this and for being such a lovely Secret Santa. This is seriously one of the nicest things anyone has done for me and I just love the way that you wrote this, and my boys, and everything about this is perfect. Thank you.
Author's Response: Okay, you're gonna have to give me a minute to die after such a lovely review (because if I just stay living I'll get really arrogant and... that would be bad...) so, okay. Death. Right, I'm back with you.
THANK YOU SO MUCCCH.
I've always been a bit in love with the Marauders and I've certainly missed writing about them, so I'm so glad I had the chance to do this. The coffee :(
The bit about the extra baggage was actually my favourite. I'd never planned that scene, but then it just sort of happened and every time I read over that bit I grinned at the 'bite me' - I just wanted to hug them all :D
The last bit! (I'm skipping around with this response so sorry about that). Yeah, in my head the reason why Sirius blamed Remus was because he thought that he was mostly likely to let something slip to him, and because Remus suggested HIM he was like 'what if he thinks he can trick me' sort of thing. Basically, Sirius being very paranoid about the people who love him most (which is why I didn't smack him at the end). And then I figured Remus couldn't have thought ANYONE was the spy because... no one would have ever expected Sirius, then there was only Peter left - and if he'd pointed the Peter thing out they'd all surely have seen. (Plus it reminded me of the bit in DH when he's like 'we can't trust anyone!!' learn by experience, much :/).
Anyway, honestly I loved writing this so much (and the bit where Sirius kisses him kept me up all night wanting to write). Thanks so much for this lovely review and this lovely new ship that I've found through this â¥