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Review:magnolia_magic says:
Hi! I hope you've had a good new year :D

This chapter was a really fun, interesting read. I loved all the plot twists! Sirius eavesdropping, Xenon's mystery informant, and the attack on Ollivander...all these things added so much excitement to the story.

I'm going to start off with characterization. Once again, you do a great job with Harry. I especially liked seeing his jealous streak come out towards the beginning--it seemed very true to the character we see in the books. That scene also showed an important element of Ginny's character. Knowing her, I totally understood why she was so irritated with Harry's comment about Sirius. Even though she's in a relationship, she is still fiercely independent and won't be bossed around, especially by her boyfriend. I loved seeing that fiery side of her, because I think it's a big part of who she is. Great job with those two :)

Sirius seems very diabolical in this chapter, which adds some intrigue. I get the sense that he's very proud, and determined not to give up on his conquest of Ginny. And James! Ugh. You're dong a great job of making me hate him :) He seems very cocky and cruel, and I'll be interested to see what Lily ends up seeing in him. I love her character, by the way. She's very sweet, but at the same time isn't afraid to defend her morals, which is awesome :)

I love the content in this chapter--it's all very compelling, and you've got a strong story line. But I have a couple suggestions for improving the flow of it. First, when you break for Sirius' POV near the beginning, I think you should leave the heading out. Since you're using 3rd person, you could just say something like "Sirius turned away from the portrait hole..." and it would make for a more seamless transition. Second, I think that as a general rule you should shorten your sentences, or even replace some "ands" with commas here and there. Super long sentences are good every now and then, but it gets exhausting to read them constantly.

As I think I've said before, I love your descriptive style. You have some beautiful passages here, especially the 3rd paragraph of Sirius' POV (when he changes into dog form.) I just loved your imagery there, it was stunning.

Great chapter! As always, I'm looking forward to reading more :)

--Maggie

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much! Hope you're having a good new year too =)

I'm glad you like the plot twists! =) This was a very crucial chapter and I wrote it in a just a few hours too. I was worried about the characterization mostly but I'm glad you that that it worked. =D

Hehehe I wanted to make Sirius and James seem just like I see them. With your comments, I can see that I succeeded in portraying them exactly as I wanted them to be. Woohoo! =P

I love your suggestions! Thank you so so much for taking the time to mention the point about the "ands".. I totally know what you mean and I promise that I'll try working on it.

You have no idea how much I love you right now. I never could've imagined that anybody would comment on my descriptive and love it. Thankyou thankyou thankyou! I'm so glad you liked the imagery in Sirius POV! =D

Love you Maggie! =D =D =D Thank you so much for reviewing this!


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