Hey! This is apocalypse, her with your review!
Okay let's start off with the areas of concern, shall we? I think I remember all of them =)
Plot: The plot is going very well up till now. It's very good to see how Caprice has adjusted so well and is now a very important part of Hogwarts as well as the plot. I like how you've set up the entire thing and how you're going about with it. The fact that she's trying to control herself and succeeding and failing at the same time is pretty well-written. I like how she interacted with Ania and did not let her actual feelings show. It shows how she has matured and how much your story has advanced.
Word choice: Well, your word choice, as usual is excellent. However, I'd like to say here that I can't help but feel that your dialogues are not properly punctuated. I know it's not such a big deal and as all your dialogues have similar punctuation, it can be ignored. But I feel I should just let you know, you know?
Example: "Hey, Cappie" - this should be: 'Hey, Cappie,". There should be comma before you close the dialogue. You do put question marks and exclamation marks before you close the speech marks but I've noticed that it's not the case with full stops and commas. This was just to bring it to your notice as I know it can only be corrected if you do a full edit. =) Apart from the above mentioned errors, your grammar is completely fine. =D
Characterization: Ooooh, I have a lot to say on that! =D Let's start with Capri. I think her character is developing at a very good pace. She's doing very good and is handling the Sirius situation pretty well. I like how she's interacting with him and is hiding her crush pretty well. =) I loved her conversation with Jason. I too can't believe how she did not notice him before. Where was he?! =P So glad you've brought him into the story. It'll make the story and plot all the more better! =) I felt so sad for her when she figured out what had happened. In the previous chapters, she hasn't been AS observant as she was in the last few paragraphs. I loved you made her observed Sirius specifically. It shows how she pays so much attention to him. =)
Sirius: Well, i can't say it's his fault. He thinks that she's his best friend and honestly he IS at perfectly liberty to do whatever he wants. It's quite like him actually. I wonder who the girl is; it's not Ania as she's not at Hogwarts. Hmm, I'm curious =P Though I do think that he should've told Capri the truth instead of hiding it. I do not understand why he lied. Wonder what's happening there =P
Lily+James: I really wish you would show something else in their relationship. I really wanna see how you make their story as unique as Capri's. I know that Lily did not like James but I really wanna see something else happen between them apart from Lily telling James to be quiet or go away. I hope you know what I mean. I really think that the predictable attitude of Lily needs to be avoided.
Marauders: As this is Marauder story and Capri is actually a friend of theirs, I think that their characters should have more depth. I haven't actually seen them jump out in the story yet. I think that the whole 'Marauder' aspect of the story does need work. Capri's friends, Emma, Nora and Lily, all have dynamic characters but the guys are barely noticeable here.
I think that this chapter overall, was a bit rushed. I mean, the whole paragraphs describing their classes and even some details of the Hogsmeade weekend weren't really necessary. I know that the trip had to mentioned because of Capri noticing Sirius' absence but then, it should've been better written to avoid the scenario feeling rushed. I hope you know what I mean. Also, I noticed that the girls took their letters to the Post Office to have them posted. Er, doesn't Hogwarts already have an Owlery for the students? Why would they need to take their letter out of Hogwarts when they have owls available inside?
Okay, I think that's it from me for this chapter. I'm really sorry for this ridiculously long review but I can't help it; I just had so much to say =P Hope what I wrote is of some help to you! =) Until next time, good luck, happy writing and most importantly, Happy New Year! =D =D =D
Author's Response: Hey! WHOA!!! THANK YOU for the amazing review. I LOVE long reviews! Love it !
Anyway, also want to thank you for all the advice you've given me. It helps a lot to have a different perspective.
I am working on getting more L/J interaction. Instead of incorporating them into the Capri/Sirius chapters I wanted to separate them out into different chapters. You'll see em in future chapters :) Remus and and Peter also will get involved in the future chapters but the first few are concentrated purely on Capri and Sirius and since Sirius POV hasn't come around yet it's hard to include the guys is incredibly close with.
Thank you for the great review! I really appreciate it and I'm incredibly sorry for the wait. You can blame me for taking a ill timed vacation and my unhealthy habit of procrastination for it :P
Thank you anyway and I'm truly sorry for the delay in replying.