Hey! I got round to reviewing in the end :)
This was such a fantastic one shot - I always secretly love Peter stories, because I feel like although he has depth in the books not enough attention is paid to him. But this - I really think this did his character justice, because I felt so sorry for him and reall sympathised with him towards the beginning, and even though by the end he was questioning himself, questioning the good guy/bad guy aspects and threatening to change, I did still feel for him. You've made him so much more human, not just the little rat that sold Lily and James to Voldemort.
Your actual language, though, was astounding. I could write and write and write about it for ages because writers like you take my breath away! You could have written a fluffy one shot and I'd still be amazed with the way you play with the sentences. You'd still leave me feeling like, 'wow!' no matter what tone/mood you'd tackled! Right here: 'The house elf retreated, disappearing into the tapestried wall behind a landscape of emerald woods and strange, long-forgotten creatures whose eyes mesmerised and slackened jaws salivated, tensing to pounce, waiting for the kill. ' GAH! You're describing a tapestry and yet I could take that segment away and write a novel on it. Beautiful! Okay, I'll stop with the over-excitedness.
Your portrayal of Bellatrix and Narcissa was really quite striking too, because often they're both written as weak characters but here they came across as really quite strong. I liked it - it's added more to them for me, so when I read the series again (like I probably will do 100 more times over haha) I'll keep that in my mind.
This was really lovely! I don't think you needed anything more at the end, because your use of punctuation really highlights the hesitation in his mind over this. I thought it was actually really rather effective :) Nice work!
Author's Response: Wow, this review!
That would be a highly unsatisfactory response, but it's all I've been able to come up with for a while. My apologies for making you wait on the response and hopefully now I can say something worthwhile to not only express my gratitude for such a fantastic review, but to also discuss your points. ^_^
The thing about this review that made me speechless was how much you enjoyed this one-shot. It's a strange one for me because it was started a few years ago, perhaps even 4 or 5 years ago, and, finding it again, I thought the premise too interesting to miss. The result wasn't quite what I wanted, but responses like yours to it really help boost my confidence in this story. :D
I loved being able to put Peter in the spotlight, but I didn't want the story to really redeem him for his betrayal of the Marauders, and that ended up being a fine line on which to balance. I'm really glad to hear that he was well-portrayed and even sympathetic (which is a bonus) - it's wonderful to have been able to do that with a character like Peter, who is so complicated and grey, even more so than Snape.
Oh gosh, you liked my language and style! *faints* Now there's a compliment I could frame on a wall (speaking of which... *runs off to the forums* this review has found its way into the "reviews that made my day" forum). Thank you, thank you for your wonderful words. I had a lot of fun with the Dobby sections, playing around with words and the images they can evoke - it means a lot that you enjoyed those parts, especially that one with the tapestry, which was actually a late addition (so knowing that it fit right in is fantastic!).
Okay, that's great to hear about the ending! I still may add a few words to make the action clearer (as he's being tortured by Bella there, but I didn't want to have ratings issues, so I made it very abstract, perhaps too much so). I appreciate that you enjoyed this story and took the time to leave it such a lovely review! ^_^