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Review:academica says:
Hey! Here from Slytherin Review Tag :)

First of all, congratulations on posting the first chapter of your first story! It's a big step and can be a scary one, so pat yourself on the back.

I think Legilimency is really interesting, so I was excited to see that it would be a theme in this story. I think that such a skill would be a huge advantage for a potential Auror!

I like the beginning of this chapter a lot. You make it easy to identify with your protagonist, as most everyone has had to wait to hear the results of something like a job interview at one time or another. It can be especially awkward to overhear people deciding your fate, that's for sure! With the comments about her age and the dress robes, you've created a good deal of sympathy for her, which is good for an OC. In addition, you've created an atmosphere where she clearly feels quite powerless, like everything she says or does is working against her. Again, good job in staying away from the perfect Mary Sue-like cliche that we see all too often.

I like the way you talked about Payton's Legilimency training, too. It was cute to imagine her accidentally jumping inside her father's head when she was a mere child, and I liked the part about how her mother always spoke her mind anyway so she didn't mind being married to a Legilimens. I am a little surprised that you didn't include more overt Legilimency in this one, like having her read Harry's or Max's thoughts (since we know Harry did so well with Occulmency training... ahem). I'll also be interested to see how she performs as an Occulmens, since we mainly learned about her Legilimency training in this chapter.

Nice work! You've got an interesting plot and I'll be interested to see where Payton's story goes from here. In addition, thanks for not begging for reviews -- again, it's refreshing :)

Amanda

Author's Response: Thank you! *tries to pat back, settles for shoulder*

I'm really glad you liked it. And I'm really relieved to get positive feedback on my OC, since I was kind of afraid she was turning out two-dimensional and a little boring. Hopefully as I continue I'll be able to develop her much more.

As far as her Occlumency training, I guess I wasn't really clear about it, which I didn't realize as I was writing. I intended Occlumency to be the flip side of the coin, you know? So she was trained in Occlumency as well, but Legilimency is the area where she would actually be able to be of more use to others. I'll make that clearer as I continue writing.

The reason I didn't have her actually performing Legilimency kind of ties in with the trust issue that she continually faces. It's a question of integrity, and if she started reading minds without permission she wouldn't be able to earn anyone's trust. It's actually going to be a continuing internal conflict throughout the story.

Thank you for this amazingly in-depth review! It's really good to get feedback, and you're a lovely reviewer!

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