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Review:DracoFerret11 says:
Hey there! It's DarkRose from the forums here with your review. And off we go! :D

First off, I love your chapter image. It's really pretty. And I loved the line on it, "Luna was everything I wanted, except she wasn't mine." That's just...ingenious. Brilliant. Beautiful. I adore it. :]

Random comment on your summary: you currently have, "It was always her that I needed to say those three words too but now I have said it it's too late." But that's grammatically incorrect. If you want to keep what you have, it should say: "It was always her that I needed to say those three words to, but now that I've said them, it's too late." Same thing, you know? But clearer.

More random notes: there's a paragraph in here that you've got copied twice. Where it says, "Choose the right time and the words will come to you," Harry advised, placing a hand on my shoulder, "that's what I did with Ginny," Muttering something about Ginny's pregnancy, Harry dissaperated leaving me along with a screaming plant.

So, you should probably get rid of one of those... :]

More technical things: you have several grammar and spelling errors throughout the story. I would definitely recommend getting a beta reader or looking over the story again on your own. It will make it easier for readers if you fix the issues you've got in here. :]

The paragraph after the one I just mentioned, where you start with, "No one ever tells you how delicate love is." is absolutely wonderful. I really liked how you wrote it. It was beautiful and really poignant. I definitely think you hit the nail on the head there.

Okay, so about the plot: I think you paced things pretty well. It was a little rushed, but that's bound to happen in one-shots. I think you handled it as well as you could, given the shorter length. If you wanted to add more descriptions, though, I think it would balance things better and tie everything together in a more obvious way.

The storyline itself was very nice. I like the idea of unrequited love, and the emotions you portrayed here really helped me feel was Neville was feeling. I liked that you showed his progression as he became more frustrated with himself and wanted more and more to tell Luna the truth about his feelings.

A quick sidenote: when Neville is seeing Rolf as Luna to marry him, you get a little bit repetitive. And I feel like a proposal might be more dramatic than just outright asking somebody if they want to marry you.

I don't know how I felt about the ending of the story. I liked the emotions you described while Neville was still upset about Luna not being with him, but I feel like he wouldn't have gotten over her so quickly. Like...I know he's happy for her, but maybe there should be a note in there about how he isn't yet over her, but he wants her to be happy, even if he's not in the picture. You know what I mean?

And I didn't particularly like that you said, "And so she was until the day she died with Rolf happily by her side." I thought that was a little odd, considering that Neville probably didn't follow her every move 'til the day she died, you know? That made him seem a little bit like a stalker. And I don't know how I felt about Neville addressing the readers directly ("dear readers"). I felt like that was out of the character of the story.

Other than those little notes, I think you did very well. I liked the plot and the idea. The emotions you portrayed were beautiful and some of the things you described were absolutely stunning. Very good job. :D

--Emily

Author's Response: Thank you for leaving such a long and detailed review! It was very helpful :)

I'll fix up that double paragraph, I didn't even realise I didn't that. Woops :/ and thanks for the rest of this, it's been amazing!!
I'll defiantly be coming back for another review another time
Jaz


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