I couldn't resist reading this! I was going to do it yesterday, but I'm lazy. and I was "ill", remember?
This story is simply AWESOME! Ok, normal review from now on... :D
You managed to include some of Percy's past in this, which was great, it kind of explained why he was there. Also, the way you managed to build up an impression of him was great. After putting his clothes away, he put his quills, inks and parchment into the drawer? That made me laugh.
The way that you wrote Mustafa's speech was great. A lot of the time, when people try to write speech like that, it doesn't work very well and ends up annoying me. BUT you managed to make it work in the story, which was great! :)
What happens next?!?!?! I've thought of so many ways which you might take this story whilst reading this chapter. As soon as I've left this awful review, I'm off to read the next chapter! :)
The ONLY thing that this story needs is to be edited. There are a few problems that are easy to fix and would just tighten the story up. :) But this is different to anything else that I've read, and I usually don't read Percy stories, so it's still awesome. :D
Author's Response: Hey Scott, thanks for reviewing! And yes, you are certainly right that this needs editing. I'm normally more particular about editing, but during NaNo, that sort of thing tends to fall by the wayside. Also, despite having a general plotline in mind for a couple of years, I sort of decided on plot details at the very last minute (like on November 3rd), which presents its own difficulties.
I'm glad you were a bit amused by Percy. Mostly people think of the twins as the funny ones, and Ron gets great comedic lines too. However, I think you can use Percy to humorous effect as well, and not only by poking subtle fun at his fussiness.
I hadn't intended to make Mustafa sound like that, but I made a mistake while writing his first line, and it just seemed to fit, so I continued with it. I might have laid it on a bit thick at times, but I think it makes it easier to imagine his accent.
What happens next? Well, as implied by the summary, Percy discovers something that might get him into a little bit of trouble! I have two more chapters written. I just need to edit, post, and write more . . .