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Review:Secret Santa :) says:
Oh, you definitely managed to keep me engaged and enjoying the story so far! I really liked this! I think the first person commentary from Marlene is actually quite interesting. I feel like the characterisation could be even more solid, but it's really good right now! She says she's a dumb blonde, and that she kinda hates her reputation of that, but so far, I've seen nothing to show that she has a reputation of being a dumb blonde, and her personality seems very cheerful, random and definitely a little lively!

I really liked that little Italian story! It makes me wonder - why do Italian boys give gloves to people they never want to see again? Was that a made up story or is it actually true? :P

I loved this line, "Ermwho the hell are 'Pads' and 'Prongs?'"! You managed to tie it back to what we know of the Marauders, and I thought that was clever.

I also loved that snippet from the newspaper about the flu - I found it fascinating and actually quite realistic that they couldn't find a magical cure for the flu, and instead have to resort using the muggle method of vaccination!

One mistake I picked up: "and realised Id me next to Lupin" I think instead of me, you meant 'be'.

Oh, and I really liked that prank!! I've read about a lot of Marauder pranks, but I've never read about that one before! And it's so simple, yet remarkably clever! I loved seeing it in action as well! Oh, poor Flitwick, haha! Great chapter!

♥ secret santa

Author's Response: Hmm...yes, i suppose she isn't particularly 'dumb' just a little slow to pick up on things sometimes, and gets a little muddled. But in the process of trying to give her a depthier character, I added this to her personality-she thinks everyone SEES her as a dumb blonde, because of the stereotye. Perhaps I should make this clearer!

Oh the Italian thing's true! It happened to a relative of mine! I just had to include it somehow when I heard!

haha the flu thing's a bit random, but I'd had a painful injection that day and wanted to make my characters suffer! Mwahaha!

Thanks for the typo spot! I'll edit ;D
LWG x


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