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Review:Secret Santa :) says:
A really great opening chapter! I always love a good old Marauders story, and yours was no different. I have to say that although there was some similarity to other Marauders stories - with the girls and the guys together, and all the camaraderie, I really liked the characterisation of Marlene and how different a character you made her. I also liked how this story is from her view, rather than Lily's!

You even managed to add in some humour here, which I thought was great, and was amusing! "Im not a banana boat, I'm a carrot boat!", "Cabbage off" and "Lupino Supremo, Poo poo head Potter and Peter Pan". That made me laugh - great nicknames! I also liked how childish in a way they still were - having pillow fights and making a tepee - I can definitely see that happen, even though they are sixth years!

One suggestion I did have was to maybe insert a line break, or even a simple '~' between the paragraphs where Marlene is at home, then suddenly on the Hogwarts train, and then suddenly in the dorm. It would flow a lot better.

As an opening chapter, it's good and solid in introducing the characters and setting the scene. I'm looking forward to reading the future chapters and seeing the plot unfold, so to say! :)

♥ secret santa

Author's Response: Hello again, mysterious person ;)

I love Marlene McKinnon, and I'm not really sure why! But I see her so clearly in my mind. Although I suppose they do seem rather immature for 16, I'm trying to conve their innocence and vulnerability. As the story progresses, however, a lot will change!

I am planning on ths to be quite a humorous fic with darker patches. Marlene herself has become a humorous character in my mind, and the way she thinks is quite different (hopefully). I'm trying to make them all seem original.

I'll edit with the paragraph break thing when the queue's reopened!
LWG x


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