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Review:sophie_hatter says:
Well! After the bombshell on which we closed the last chapter, I loved the way you started this one. The description of the watch was lovely, so vivid I could see it - and the idea of the ticking just creepy enough:-)

The description of Lily's increasing anger when Scorpius stands her up is lovely. You showed us her changing emotion very nicely, and you continued this through to Lily's growing confusion regarding the events that are taking over her life.

The section with Scorpius and Lily at the Potter house is intriguing. You are spinning out little hints and clues at just the right rate. I'm glad that Lily told him to get stuffed when he suggested that she spy on her father - her reaction to this was just right, and explained my one issue with the chapter - why Scorpius would even go there when Harry is stalking his family.

Your closing section with Albus and Lily was also brilliant. I thought that you write the half-heard conversion very cleverly. And I loved the closing line!

Some picky things to finish - we would say 'quarter to twelve' rather than 'quarter-till twelve'

'They weren't even Hogwarts age yet, where they' should be '*were* they'

'I was on by way back from the bathroom' should be '...on *my* way back...'

And a super-picky one for you. The story is set in London, in summer. You described the final conversation happening just after 4 am as being hours before the sun would come up. But we have really long days here in high summer - sunrise is about 4:30. Sorry! I'm such a geek!:-)

Author's Response: Starting off with the mistakes, I think I got them all fixed. That was a good note about the sun. Of course it would rise early in the summer. A big DUH! on me. As to the rest, it's funny you always seem to pick up on things I've either cut or added later. The watch was a late add, and the point about why Scorpius would come to the house is a keen one. Him coming to her for help at night was a scene stolen from my old story when Harry wasn't following the family. If he hadn't wanted her to spy for him, you're right, that would have been a big hole in the scene.

I'm extra excited that you liked the last scene of the chapter. I'm inclined to think that was the best I've written thus far. Not *great* of course, just my best showing.

Thanks again for the R & R. You always have such helpful comments!


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