Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:sophie_hatter says:
Great start to this chapter - the decision to write about Lily's telling off from her parents in abstract was a good one. It carried the story forward without dwelling. And I thought it was brilliant to have Albus neglect to change his shirt - very 'teenage boy!'

The incident with the potions was nicely realised. I like the feeling that Grimmauld Place is fighting back. And I loved Lily's revenge on Al with her smelly clothes.

I *think* you might have edited the section with the pumpkin juice prank since I first read this chapter, and it does work much better for your edits. If you haven't, I have no idea what story I'm thinking about!

The section with Lily in the locked room was fascinating - I love how the mystery is unravelling. I do hope we find out why the room revealed itself to Lily at this time, though.

I saw from your note you were worried about the length of this chapter. I don't think you should be at all! I felt it read well from start to finish, and there was plenty of content to engage the reader. But then, my chapters always seem to come out this long, so maybe I'm biased:-)

And finally, one tiny bit of Britpicking - Trash bin should be rubbish bin.

Author's Response: I'm so glad you mentioned that the opening worked well. I did actually write out the whole argument but decided to cut it in the end. I thought it was important to keep pushing the time line forward as the story doesn't move particularly fast chapter to chapter. And I did edit the bit with the juice, though I've edited each chapter so much now I can't remember how many versions I actually posted. If you did read an older version, I'm certainly glad this one is better! As to the room, I have in my head that *everything* ties together in the end...assuming I can actually get to writing again!

Thanks again for the review. I've gone ahead and fixed the trash/rubbish bit.


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 835
Submit Report: