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Review:Beeezie says:
Hey, here for the second chapter! :)

I'm not really sure what you were worried about - her wrath definitely comes across here just fine! Once again, you clearly have a good grasp of the English language - there's certainly a lot of room for fine-tuning, but you're already much further along in terms of how the story mechanically flows than many writers are when they start out, which is great!

As I said, I think that you did a good job of portraying Caitie's wrath, along with her Hufflepuff characteristics, and that's really great. However, I did feel like it was occasionally a bit too heavy-handed and could have been portrayed a little more subtly, and I also wanted to see a little more build up to this deep hatred she feels for Adrian Nott. It kind of seemed to come out of nowhere, and I would have liked for you to build on it a little. On the whole, though, this was a fun read.

I do want to comment on two mechanical things, though.

First off, I would advise against having very long author's notes at the beginning, and I would definitely avoid having them both at the beginning and at the end. It's all a matter of personal preference, of course, but for me, at least, it's very distracting, especially since you have a lot of extra line breaks in between paragraphs.

Secondly, I would suggest that you do try to edit before you post. Deadlines are deadlines, and I completely understand that (especially since this one was my deadline! :P), but at the same time, my personal philosophy is that I never post something until I've slept on it and gone over it again to make adjustments. Again, personal preferences, but I think it really does help one's writing to come across as more polished, you know?

This was a lot of fun so far, and it was good, especially for your first attempt! PM me or comment on my profile when you update it, because I'd love to read more. :)

Author's Response: Thank you! Your first paragraph really made me smile :)

I'm actually going to go back and rewrite this chapter to slow things down a bit and build it up, so I guess I spoiled it a little by posting this chapter :L

I'm not even sure how I managed to make the author's notes so long and I'm definitely not going to have them as ridiculous as that next time! I did have trouble with the spacing even though I went through and tried to fix it a few times :L

I really do agree with the edit before you post thing but as I am someone who leaves things until the absolute last minute, I didn't get a chance :3 I will definitely edit my next chapters before I post them :)

I'm so glad that you would like to read more! So I'll definitely let you know when I post my next chapter :) (well the new version of this anyway).

Thanks :)


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