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Review:ladymblack says:
Wow, I'm really enjoying it so far and can't wait to see what else you have in store. Too many fics gloss over how they got to their "happily ever after" and just skip to the romance or another adventure. I enjoyed reading your interpretation of the immediate aftermath of the battle, especially since you let the first chapter be as long as it needed to be (unlike me on my first edit). One of my favorite parts was with the house-elves and goblins. I completely agree with the difficulty presented to house-elves having to think for themselves, indeed it's a novel concept. But taking Griphook's impression of Harry because of the burial he gave Dobby and actually using it to further your story is absolutely brilliant! I'm on tender-hooks to see where that goes.

Just a few pointers: I found it a bit unclear as to when you were talking about in the first few paragraphs and it moved a little too fast to Ginny taking Molly upstairs (maybe clarify what part of DH you're referring to, although I got it in the end). Also, Lee's last name is Jordan, not Hamilton (a minor thing, and I'm sure I'm not the first to point that one out). Lastly, don't be afraid of making new paragraphs. They allow readers to know that a sequence has ended. Plus, conversation flows much better when each speaker has a new paragraph (except in some very strange circumstances".

Moving on to the next chapter...excellent work so far!

Author's Response: Always thrilled when another author reviews my story. The first chapter is long. I fussed with it a long time, and then Mrs_Grainger added a couple of bits and helped me. I am glad you like it. Thank you for finding the Lee Hamilton reference; you are the first to mention it, and it is fixed. I actually know where Hamilton came from. Lee's oldest son, in James Sirius Potter's class, is going to be Hamilton, and his two year younger brother is going to be Hudson.
There is a lot about house elves in the story, and Goblins.
I have added a few paragraphs in the first three chapters, and hope that helps. Mrs_Grainger and I have written back and forth about timing, and how to clear up the chronology. I am concerned; as an author you eventually know your story too well. I wish I had two or three beta readers to catch this type of thing.
JetLaBarge


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