|Review:||Secret Santa V says:|
Oh, I can't wait until you update this! (Sorry, as an author I frequently get a little annoyed when people say that because grr, I'm doing my best here, but in the least-pressure-est way possible, I am really eager to read on.)
You have such fantastic talent. I hope you know that. I am really looking forward to reading some of your other stories. If this is any indication, you won't even need to ask who I am because you'll say, "Hmm... [username] has added me as a favorite author and has favorited half my stories." I really hope that you don't just mind me annoying.
This chapter was also amazing, and for a few reasons. First, I think that your flow through this has been absolutely fabulous. You slowly but surely build on what's happened in previous chapters, in a way that flows naturally and holds the reader's (or at least, this reader) interest. I just absolutely adore this piece.
I continue to love the narrative of the barista. His philosophy on being friendly, the comment about the boy with the baggy pants, how he hurried to make the young man's coffee... he's a likable and fairly uncomplicated narrator, which is perfect for this story.
I was wondering how using him as the PoV would work out once Molly and the young man began to actually interact, and so far, it works beautifully. I saw your review response, and you said you were worried about whether the focus on the barista's character would distract from Molly and the young man, and I just want to say that... I mean, it doesn't, really, and the ways in which it does don't detract from the story, they add to it. Stories about Molly II (or, well, a next-gen girl, anyway) bumping into a guy and falling in love with him are a dime a dozen. They can be well-executed. They can be amazing. They can be different in their own, lovely, amazing way.
But they're not unique like this.
Using the barista gives you a terrific way of building Molly and the young man's relationship from the ground up. There's no PoV switching, and the fact that the barista is noticing their interactions makes perfect sense in the context of the shop. The choice you made to use his voice has actually in a lot of ways allowed you to explore the beginning of the relationship between Molly and the young man more closely than you probably would have been otherwise, because he's noticing both of their reactions in a way that they themselves probably wouldn't. And then you'd end up perspective switching, and then it would be longer, and not half the story that it is now. (In my opinion. Though I'm sure it would still be lovely, because you wrote it.)
I adore this story so much. Thank you for writing it, and I can't wait for the next chapter.
I am giving this chapter a 10/10. I don't think that I have ever given any chapter on this site a 10/10 before... if I have, it was only once or twice. (I am conservative with my ratings.) And I've reviewed hundreds of chapters, so that means this beats out hundreds of other chapters by other writers.
I seriously love this story. Next month I will strongly campaign for it to be the story of the month. (By which I mean, I will write out a strongly worded reason as to why I think it should win.)
Author's Response: Rather than annoying me, your reviews are definitely pushing me to start writing the next part! I am going to get started on it after dinner tonight. And that, I promise. Hopefully I will have it ready by the time the queue reopens once more!
And you are not annoying at all. To think that you want to add me to your favourite authors is overwhelming. Thank you!
Flow is something I am concerned with this, so it's a relief that you say it works. I have been scared that it is much too slow so it's so nice when a review tells me otherwise.
I am slightly ashamed to admit that I wish I knew the barista in real life. He is just the epitome of someone who has small things but is happier than most people. I strive to be like one day and perhaps that is why I enjoy writing him so much.
Your review has really boosted my confidence with this, particularly what you say about the barista. His POV is so much fun to write from and given the lack of response on this story (which has not taken me by surprise in the least), it is so hard to know whether what I am doing is the right thing. So it's just so nice for you to reassure me that, yes, I am not totally stuffing this up.
I can't believe you gave this a 10/10. I'm horrible at taking compliments but just... yeah. Wow. Wow, wow, wow.
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It means a lot that you would want to nominate for this the SotM and just... wow.