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Review:ToReleaseMe says:
Hey it's ToReleaseMe with your first review!

I'm actually surprised that I haven't found this story yet, but I'm glad that I did. The first chapter was very well written, I couldn't find any grammatical or spelling errors, so good on you. It was a good length as well, not too long and not too short. It also jumps into the plot rather quickly, which is nice and makes readers want to know what's going to happen next (thankfully you've got the first few chapters up so I won't be kept waiting too long).

Now about Chelsea... at first her personality wasn't exactly clear to me. She seemed almost tired of Ivette's games in the beginning, but as she explained herself more she seemed more into the plotting and scheming. I'm not sure if you intended for this change to be apparent or not. She's almost a sad character; Ivette is clearly a controlling friend and it seems that Chelsea puts up with it so she can have a close friend at school. Don't get me wrong, I think Chelsea is a real character and I do actually like her from this chapter. She sort of reminds me of Amanda Seyfried in "Jennifer's Body" (rubbish movie, by the way lol) but a little more confident. I did like how her personality switched towards the end as she was becoming more interested in Ivette's plot.

Now Ivette is set up in this chapter as a cold-hearted girl who gets what she wants in any way necessary. If this is the explanation of her personality from her BEST FRIEND then I don't want to hear one from an enemy. It'll be interesting to see how she feels about her own manipulative ways (if she even realizes just how manipulative she is) in a chapter with her POV.

Overall the first chapter was well done. You gave the reader enough personality to form an opinion about the characters (whether it's the right or wrong opinion I'm sure we'll find out later) and enough of the plot to keep them interested in continuing reading. I'm excited to get on with the rest of the story :)

9/10

- ToReleaseMe

Author's Response: Heyyy! Yay reviews! Although, of course, I asked for them, but anyway, still exciting. Anyway, glad you couldn't find any grammatical or spelling errors considering how many times I've read and reread and edited this chapter. And yes, I've made a point of having shorter chapters than I usually write for stories, but that might change later. Some characters are more important or have more to say than others. And yes again, it does jump right into the plot, as I intended from the beginning for this to be a short story and not a novella/novel, the first time I tried to write this, I sort of planned out everything I wanted to happen.

Chelsea is a difficult character, I think, for readers to figure out. A lot of people have told me that they really don't know why she's friends with Ivette or what her motive is. She's tired of Ivette's games but at the same time she seems interested in them. I tried my best to portray her as merely acting to please Ivette, but that doesn't seem to be hitting home a lot. She is a sad, but likeable character, even though she invents herself in Ivette's plans, but she does so mainly to keep Ivette happy. But I don't know, there's clearly something keeping her attached to Ivette.

Haha, that's a good point. If Chelsea is her best friend then what do her enemies have to say about her? I suppose you will eventually find out, if I ever write more chapters, but lately I've been stuck with this story.

Thank you so much for reviewing. I'm really glad you like it so far and I can't wait to read your other reviews!

xxEnigmaticEyes16


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