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Review:apocalypse says:
Hey, this is apocalypse, here with your review! Firstly! An apology for so late for your review. I have had very hectic schedule and was unable to review. I hope I'm forgiven =)

So starting with your areas of concern. Yes, you have done okay, or say brilliantly with the dark theme! =) It was a very well executed story and I have to tell you that I could actualy feel her fear. Thanatophobia. I knew there was a phobia of death just didn't know the name. Now I know that too =)

The emotion definitely did come over very well and I have to say that it was a bit overwhelming sometimes. I mean, yes, your story's emotions should touch us and make us feel the same but they shouldn't seem exaggerated. There were points, for instance, her shouting out, that made it seem like they were unnecessary and your story could have survived without them. However, that's just what I think and I believe that your story was very good just like it is.

The pace is okay. It's a one-shot so the pace matters more as you have to explain more and give more background information and keep the flow in check. With respect to that, the pace of the chapter was very good and all her thoughts and feelings flowed very well. However, the flow was disrupted by the frequent changes in tense. I don't think you did that on purpose as it was very disconcerting to read one tens in a sentence and then another in the next. It's not the biggest issue ever but it could be better if you work on it =)

The characterisation was also not bad at all! I haven't read many stories on Roxanne's character so it was good to see a story on her. I was very happy with your choice of character! Most next-gens are on Dom, Rose, Scorp, James or Albus and only mention character like Roxanne in passing. It was good to see her here. As to her parents' characterisation: It was spot on. There acted like parents and their confusion and uncertainty as to what to do about her was perfect.

A very well thought out story and and excellent way of executing it! Keep it up! Once again, really sorry for the late review! Until next time, good luck and happy writing! =D

Author's Response: Thank you very much :) Nawh, don't worry about that :D
Oops..yep I tend to have a slight bit of trouble with tenses! I always tend to tense-hop!
Thanks for the really helpful review!


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