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Review:Chocolate_Frog says:
Hello! This is Chocolate_Frog here with your requested review! :)

First of all, one quick thing:

+ My fingers tapped softly on my parchment causing my neighbour to shoot me an irritated look.

^ There were a few instances in this chapter that could have done with a comma to make it flow better, such as this, where a comma could be placed after 'parchment'.

Alright then.

I thought you wrote this chapter really well; it really set the scene for the rest of the story, and unlike being just another introductory-type first chapter, a lot happened. The twist to Snape's Worst Memory and the close attention to detail made it all the more believable. I also liked the conflict the last line established; it would be hard to believe that James and Lily would put aside all past grievances virtually overnight. Great job!

Your characterizations worked very well for this story; none of them seemed OOC at all. There's one thing I'd like to comment on, though, and it's more for flow than anything else: the spacing is messed up sometimes, which disrupts the flow. I noticed that some paragraphs don't have double returns, and some dialogue where the same person was speaking landed on two different paragraphs, which made it a bit confusing to read. This is nothing a quick edit can't fix, though! :)

Overall, it was a great chapter. Feel free to re-request once the next one's up! ^^

~Chocolate_Frog

Author's Response: Thanks for all the advice Chocolate Frog :) I'm really glad you think it's well written and believable and the characters lived up to their names. I hope it continues throughout the rest of the story.
Thanks again for reviewing :)


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