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Review:Chocolate_Frog says:
Hi! This is Chocolate_Frog here with your requested review! (Warning: Be prepared for a review littered with smileys and lame attempts at jokes! Oh yeah, and CC? That too.) :)

First of all, some nitpicky stuff, because that's how I roll xD :

+ Deep breathe in. Deep breathe out. Deep breathe in. Deep breathe out.

^ All of these "breathe"s should actually be "breath". The first is a verb, as in "Breathe in and out", and the latter is a noun, as in "take deep breaths". This is a pretty common mistake, so no worries. :)

+ The fear continued to spread and my hands shook, with a desperate attempt to escape,

^ The first comma is unneccessary; the sentence is actually better off without it. Also, the second comma is better off as a period. So, basically, I'm being a Hitler for commas in this sentence. Eliminate! xD

+ The younger children ran from the room eagerly, the older children stayed, biting their lips and swapping between looking at me and looking at each other.

^ This is currently a comma splice. Maybe you should add "while" after the first comma, or replace it with a semicolon.

That aside, I have to say that this one-shot was tremendously well written. Usually, at times like this, I'd say I 'enjoyed' it, but "enjoyed" doesn't seem like the right word, now does it? Not when Roxy is having such a terrible time... I'm not that sadistic. :P

Anyway, I really love your descriptions in this; I could almost feel like I was in the same room as Roxy and the others (My poor eardrums...) so great job on that! Something that could have made it better, though, was a bit of background on why she feels that way. Did something happen two years ago to trigger this? Somehow I think it doesn't seem likely that she thought up it all while on the swings...

Other than that, it was a great one-shot! Good job! :)

~Chocolate_Frog

Author's Response: Hello! Yes, I'm finally responding! I've just sent the chapter off for validation - so thank you so much for your help! I've changed all your points!
This was a brilliant review, so thank you so much for all your help :)

Oh.. and as for her reason.. I'm working on it xD

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