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Review:academica says:
Hey Bex! I finally got a chance to read your first chapter :)

So I really like the premise of this story. I think young Minerva is a really interesting character, and I love the idea of her involved in a romance with Tom Riddle -- seems very forbidden, but the drama doesn't seem as contrived as, say, Dramione. (Sorry if you're a fan. It's just not my thing.) Moody was a little bit of a surprise, because I always thought he was a little younger than Minerva, but I kind of like the idea of him as a romantic figure for her as well. You've set up an interesting picture of two very strong but very different male personalities dueling for the attention of a woman.

I don't remember if you asked for a beta for this story or not, but if not, it may be something you want to consider. While this is a great story overall, you've got quite a few fragmented sentences and some other technical mistakes in there, and those tend to be a little distracting for the reader. The only other thing is that the beginning is a bit wordy. You spent a lot of time catching us up to the point you're starting from, and I wish you had given us those details in smaller chunks, perhaps as passing thoughts and memories for Minerva. The big paragraphs can be sort of daunting.

I did love your imagery -- you really took every opportunity to use metaphors and visual description to your advantage. It makes the story just that much more interesting and makes it easy for the reader to follow the plot and engage with the characters' actions and dialogue.

Good job! Looking forward to chapter two :)

academica

Author's Response: Dramione?? NO thanks :) I sort of liked it for a teensy bit and then saw that to me there are too many plot holes for it to even begin to work. Anyway, with Moody I could always picture him older for some strange reason but I had to adjust my ideas to fit the ship of my dreams! Updates are coming slower than expected seeing as I've lost my work AGAIN O_O but they will come- eventually. I've recently gotten a Beta and I knew from the start I needed one because I know what I'm like with grammar and sentence structure. Thanks for taking the time to review!
Bex


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