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Review:Houlestar says:
This chapter was excellent. I loved your version of the Mudblood incident. It worked really well. I loved the contrast between the two initiation ceremonies, very nice touch. Still too much summary for my liking (but that's just because I want to read more of this because it is awesome). I really like what you've done with Lily. Nice transference of Snape's personality onto her. I think that Severus is a little weaker, but it's still good writing.
I've noticed a lot of errors relating to the punctuation of dialogue (which doesn't detract from the story, but would be really nice to fix up to make the fic completely awesome.)
Overall this story is kicking butt.
-Houlestar

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked how I switched around the Mudblood stuff and how I wrote the initiation ceremonies. It's been fun to think about what it would be like to be initiated in either group. I feel bad for Lily, but it's also been interesting to write her because I like angst. I'm sorry you saw Severus as weak - I suppose I was trying to contrast his goodness with the pain that dominates Lily's personality.

Again, I wish you had been a bit more specific about what errors you noticed. If you're talking about using periods instead of commas to conclude dialogue, that was brought to my attention at one point, and so I remember to change it in some stories and not in others. If there's something else, though, I'm not sure what you mean. Whatever the case, I'm glad it doesn't take away too much from the story.

Thanks for another great review! :)

academica


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