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Review:dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap says:
Tag! :D

I really enjoyed this! I thought you gave us a good descriptions and I was able to connect to Talan. I felt for him on a deeper level from the small descriptions and insights you gave us into his life. The needles, well, I understood why they were there and it just disturbed me because I don't like needles and stepping on one or two or more just made me cringe.

The last sentence made my heart call out for him. It was really very interesting to see that his family didn't want him from the start. He never got a chance unlike Sirius who had a chance and once he went to Hogwarts that chance was just thrown out the window. I wonder if he actually went to Hogwarts and was sorted if he would be sorted into the house his family would have wanted or sorted into another. I think you could really branch off from here and write a sequel perhaps because this doesn't seem like a one-shot but more of an introduction to a story. I'm wondering if perhaps if he could make a fake identity or something but then again the fact that I'm left wondering more makes it a one-shot if that makes any sense.

The only thing that confused me was the beginning. Why does it say: The Mallington family, at the very top? Is that the title of the story? If it is you may want to underline and perhaps make it bold too so that the reader can know that this is the title and not part of the actual beginning paragraph.

Author's Response: Hey thankyou for the review. This story was really difficult for me to write because it was about a situation I could only begin to imagine and I was completely worried about how it would actually come across. I;m sorry you felt disturbed about the needles!

I'm glad that the last sentence really made you connect with him and I just thought it would be better that he didn't have a chance rather than go and be further shunned by getting into Hufflepuff. Other reviewers have said that it sounds more like the beginning to a story rather than a one shot.

I was writing this for a challenge and I named the family the Mallington family but forgot to remove it so I will have to do that!

Thank you for the review


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