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Review:AC_rules says:
Hello, hello, hello,

Its really good to finally read something that you've written! And its even better that is pretty darn good :) I haven't read any marauders for ages and I've got to say its sort of weird to have Mary creeping in there, but I think i like it.

That aside you're writing is really very good: consise (in a good way), clear and few errors which is really good. None of thoes awkward stopping points that make you trip over your words and have to start over.

The only thing I would say is try to avoid what are becoming fanfiction cliche's. I think you've got the beginnings of a really good character with her motherly instincts and the orphanage and stuff, and I like the relationship between her and Lily, but a couple of lines were just not needed... like "I witter on a bit by the way" because it seems like a lot of writers at the moment are implicitly saying that their characters get distracted and ramble on through inner monologues... but theres no need to tell us that if you can show it. JUst a little thing really, but yeah - you've got the potentiall to make this really good.

I enjoyed it a lot, I like all your characterisations so far and its written really well. Good job :)


Author's Response: Hi AC! It must be a bit strange for you to read about Mary, having spent so long with her yourself ;) I could never portray her as well as you though, so it's a good thing she's not my main character! Oh the pressure!
Anyway, thanks so much for a great review. I've had so much helpful advice I'm drowning in it! I really want this story to improve as I love the plotline so much, but have quite a few things to edit, which I will do now as I have time.
Rhiannon x

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