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Review:apocalypse says:
Hey, this apocalypse back with your review! =)

I went into more detail for this chapter as you had mentioned it in your areas of concern. So, let's start off with the areas of concern, shall we?

Characterization: A very interesting interpretation of both Rose and Malfoy's characters with the Romeo/Juliet perception. I liked how you portrayed them with such intensity; you gave a very detailed description on their characterization. However somewhere in between, I felt that, you lost the real Malfoy/Rose. You should have mixed Romeo's character with Malfoy's instead of CONVERTING him into one. Your POV is not wrong, just that you seem to give more weightage to both Romeo/Juliet part rather than to Rose/Malfoy. The dialogues: they seemed to be lacking the Weasley/Malfoy touch; however, I was glad to see that you put their dialogues in a way that made YOUR idea and perception of them very clear. So good job with that =) Both their characterization seemed a bit off track which disturbs the picture; I hope I'm making my point clear. I really want you to achieve just the right balance while characterization; it sure will add more fun while reading your story. =)

Montague: A very impressive character. I like the dominating quality of his personality; it complements your scenario. Using the big 'Tom Riddle' name to reflect him? Worked well for the story; smart move. =).You were successful in portraying him as the ultimate Slytherin =P

Plot development: You were, to some extent, successful in further developing your plot. But the thing that shadowed your progression was Rose/Malfoy scenario. You dragged it a bit or maybe it seemed so due to the details you wrote regarding the weather. The atmosphere is already set; you don't always have to give in SO much detail. You wrote paragraphs of description which could have been summarized into one or two; you could have focused more on the dialogues and their actual feelings. However, the second scenario seemed to be more appropriate in contributing more towards the progression than the first one. You have the potential in you, work on these minor things and your story will rock it. =)

Style: The style you've adopted is very rare these days; it has almost all the characteristics of an old novel writing style. You've got a very strong weapon on your side: description. LOVE it! Seriously, there are some places where I actually feel as if I am reading an actual classic. As I mentioned earlier it's very hard to replicate classical novels but your writing, in terms of style, seemed flawless. Well done! =)

Thankyou so much for requesting! And I just read your post! I'm SO happy that you liked my reviews. Hope you like this one too and it helps you just as much =) Goodluck! And Happy Writing!! =D

Author's Response: Thank you for returning to review the third chapter! I really appreciate your opinions and critique - it's going a long way to renewing my interest in this story, which is something I definitely needed.

I understand what you're saying about the characterizations, and this chapter actually went worse than the last in that regard, especially with Scorpius. He's a very difficult character to capture correctly for me, and my struggle with both him and Rose is one reason I started writing this story in the first place, but my weakness is showing through way too much.

Montague, on the other hand, I'm almost surprised at because I also wasn't sure about him, especially whether or not I was overdoing his characterization - whether he was too evil, in other words. He's a ghastly sort of person and terrified me while writing him - Scorpius comes through best in the scenes with him, I think, when one can see the similarities and differences between the two cousins. I'm pleased that Montague worked out so well, though! ^_^

I'll work on the plot and characterization for Scorpius and Rose, hopefully fixing the latter will, as you said, make the former flow much more smoothly. I see what you mean - that section was one I added because I worried that the romantic bits were... absent, but I'll edit it out again. :)

It is a very old style - I made the mistake of reading Wuthering Heights while planning and starting this story, so the Bronte influence is definitely heavy. Whatever I'm reading really affects what I'm writing, so all of that Victorian stuff I read in the summer is squished into this story. XD It's good to hear that it's not taking away from the story in any way because it's something I had fun adding to this story. :D

This review did help a lot, too! Really, you're an amazing reviewer and if I need help with this or another story, I'll definitely ask you. ^_^


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