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Review:javct says:
javct45 from the forums, here with your review!

Great story :) It was very original, and brownie points for writing a fan fic about Peter - not many people would try it.

Your characterisation was brilliant, especially with Narcissa and Bellatrix. The way they spoke to one another was perfect :) Bellatrix defiantly seemed to dominant the conversation, which is very, well, Bellatrix. And Wormtail; he was brilliant as well :)

The imagery in this story was really good. I could honestly imagine everything that was happening. You wrote it perfectly and just left a little bit to the readers imagination, which most authors don't seem to do. They just give you black & white, while a small amount (you included) leave some grey for whoever is reading it to interpret (in this case, imagine the surroundings)

The ending, however, confused me a little. It made sense right up to "It's Pettigrew. One of Sirius's friends", then, you lost me. I got confused as to what was happening.

But apart from that, the story was amazing :)
*jaz, 9/10

Author's Response: Thank you very much! It's great that you enjoyed the story and found that the characterizations were successful. That alone is a great relief because these characters... so not in my comfort zone, especially the Black sisters for some reason. I find them fascinating, but writing them is a challenge because Bellatrix is overpoweringly villainous while Narcissa is a very "grey area" sort of character, which makes it difficult to place her, especially when she's in a scene with her sister.

Oh, that's a wonderful compliment about the descriptions! I just try to write what I see in my head, which is hazy around the edges with certain objects or details showing very clearly - like the pattern on the rug that Peter's sitting on, for instance, which he notices because he's so close to it, while things further from his sight remain unseen. I never like to describe too much, though, as it tends to get in the way, and as you said, it also does too much "telling", leaving little for the reader to do but passively read - it's a pet peeve of mine as a reader, actually. XD

Thank you for isolating which part of the story starts losing control. At that point, Peter has literally lost control of his form - they recognize him, then I wanted it to imply that Bellatrix starts torturing him, but me rushing through it and trying to avoid getting this story tagged as Mature made it too unclear. I'll have to work on that more. I really appreciate your help there! :D


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