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Review:Arithmancy_Wiz says:
Hi, adluvshp. I'm here to fill your review request. As the story isn't very long, my review may be a bit short but I hope I can still offer you some helpful feedback.

First, in your request you asked if the story made sense/worked for the challenge and I think the answer to both is most definitely yes. I think you picked the right kind of character for this challenge. Pansy is very distinct and you gave her a strong (albeit unlikable :P) personality and it was clear not only who she was but just exactly where in the books this scene would fit in. It was clearly written and crafted so no worries there.

I also thought you had some great lines and details in this story. I thought the opening sentence was particularly strong and I liked the reference to the "plush green sofa" and the line "If there was one thing that could lift my spirits, it was looking at my own reflection." There were a few areas where I thought you could have added a bit more detail, for example, you say there are "accessories" near the mirror. Accessories is a pretty vague term and it's hard to imagine in my head what you are referring to. Even a word like "cosmetics" or "school supplies" conjures up a more distinct image, if you didn't want to actual list individual items at that point.

There were also a few odd word choices/ordering in some of your sentences that interrupts the flow. They aren't a huge deal but I thought I'd point out just a few so you are aware of them:

How much ever I liked being the centre of attention, tonight I wasn't in the mood. - Should be: However much I liked...

I contemplated on what to say to him. - Should be: I contemplated what to say to him.

Thanks for sharing your story with me!

Author's Response: Hi!!

Thanks a lot for your kind review!!

I am glad to know that it made sense, and Pansy was recognizable and her personality was crafted well. That was the most I was worried about :)

Good to know you liked my descriptions too :)

I'll do an edit soon and keep your comments in mind (I think you're right about the accessories), and thanks for those corrections!

Your review was definitely very helpful!! thanks a lot once again!!


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