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Review:CambAngst says:
Interesting.

The story definitely moved along in this chapter. I think I would have liked it to be longer, given the amount of action it covered. 2000 words isn't much for 7 separate scenes within the chapter. It felt a bit rushed.

The duel was interesting, but it was over very quickly. I also got a little lost. At one point, Macario was next to her, but two sentences later she's having to fight her way across the room to him. More than any part of the chapter, this one could have benefited from some more narrative.

The character of Dunmore confuses me. Is he just a buffoon? Is he one of these tactically brilliant but socially awkward types?

The back-and-forth between Victoire and her roommate was my favorite part of the story. I thought you wrote that very well.

Author's Response: Oh dear, the duel scene... I think I might try to rewrite/revise/lengthen it, but it's really a moot point. Hopefully I'll get better at writing action/duels as the story moves along.

I wouldn't call Dunmore socially awkward - I'd say that he considers emotions and social interaction to be somewhat trivial. I guess "stony" is a better word...?

Thanks for continuing to review! :)


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