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Review:CambAngst says:
OK, second review from the Review the Person Above You thread.

The pace definitely picked up in this chapter. I'm very intrigued to figure out what Teddy has gotten himself mixed up in, although you've definitely foreshadowed some possibilities.

Your characterization of Victoire continues to be well outside of the norm. She definitely takes after her father more than her mother in your story. But you're being consistent about it, which is key. The dynamic with her fellow Aurors seems a little bit stilted, but maybe that's what you're aiming for. Only time will tell.

The ending is strong. It creates a good sense of mystery to keep the reader coming back.

I noticed one typo near the beginning: "Victoire knew what Teddy mean to her." - meant to her?

Overall, good effort. If you're able to slow the narrative in a bit and roll in some more of Victoire's back story in the next chapter, I think that would help your readers connect.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

I picture Victoire as having a definite sense of responsibility/gravity about her, as befits the first-born. Then Dominique (who will be involved in future chapters) is more romantic and free-spirited.

Thanks for pointing out the typo!

That's exactly what should be happening in the next chapter. Hopefully it'll turn out well! :)

Thanks again!


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