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Review:Original Name says:
I noticed one obvious mistake :

A look of utter shock on their faces, each killed over dead.

*A look of utter shock on their faces, each rolled over dead.*

Think you can do something with the accents, its a real pain to read some of them especially one's like this:

"Mazter zed du vould come, und zee, here du are," the German said almost gleefully. "Come to deliver ze key durzelv denn, sehr gut!"

I felt like I spent more time deciphering this than the Mirror of Erised thing.

Otherwise another great chapter.

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