Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:academica says:
Hi :)

This was pretty touching, particularly the ending. The situation is a devastating one, and you can see the pain in both Lucius' and Narcissa's "I love you"s. It was a nice touch to include Dean as well, and I liked his interaction with her.

Lucius/Narcissa is one of my favorite ships, and I know you love them too, so it was great for you to ask me to review a L/N piece. That said, I know we differ on our perception of the ship. Your writing of the emotion seemed a little black-and-white here; you really didn't give us much of an explanation as to why Lucius treated her that way (from her perspective, obviously), why he changed over time, and why she still loved him. She seemed to go quite suddenly from not speaking much to him to being incredibly devoted to him, and while I understand that death can bring out strange things in people, I also feel like you might have missed out on a good chance to explore the intricacies of some deep, dark feelings. You obviously don't have a lot of time to change this piece, but if you wrote more of them in the future, I think it would really impress the reader if you looked at them holistically.

I really loved how you portrayed Narcissa as a post-war character here, though. You can definitely tell that she's feeling her age and years beyond it, and that she's very lonely and lost in the big house she once shared with Lucius and Draco. I also found it fitting for Draco to want to run away; I can imagine that he would want to forget it all.

Nice job! I noticed a few typos that you're going to want to look over, but that's all. Good luck with the challenge :)


Author's Response: Hi :)

Thank you so much first off for reading and reviewing :)

I am glad you think that it was a nice job over all. I'll give this a once-over and edit whatever typos I come across. Thanks for that.

Hmm, I thought it was pretty obvious that it was because of the Azkaban stay that he was behaving that way. And I also assumed that readers would understand that even though she stopped visiting him, she still loved him a lot (as she kept sending letters to him dutifully - as I had mentioned in the story) so she would be devastated with his death. Now I know I shouldn't assume things :P ...thanks a lot for your valuable comments, I'll try and see what I can do, perhaps add in something more about Lucius; if the edited version gets validated well in time, good-o, otherwise It will anyway make the story better for future readers,

I really appreciate that you took the time to review this, and thank you so much for your comments. I'll look into it.

Thanks a lot! :)

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 413
Submit Report: