Hi! I'm here for your review!
I honestly haven't read many next gen's so i'm a little ignorant of their characterizations and timeline. So i guess i'm tackling this with fresh eyes!
My first impression was that you have a really lovely voice and you are a really great writer. I don't know why people aren't reviewing. But keep your chin up, sometimes the best of stories never get any attention.
This story is funny, i was smilng most of the time as i read it. You have a great way of twisting descriptions and words so that it's funnier than it might have been. I applaud you with that, for me, humour is hard. I've started writing one myself, first time, and it's hard! I never realized how hard it was. At least for me. So great job with that.
I liked your Lucy, her tirades and complaints. I want to see more of her and hope that this is a defining characteristic of hers. It was very well done and it worked well with her.
I also really liked Albus, although we didn't see too much of him. (is he a Ravenclaw?) I thought how you had Hugo take up James' 'black market' instead of Albus was a lovely choice! I like that Hugo has a voice here and he seems very much like Ron.
Now, lets see. There is a lot going on. I'm unsure if this is a bad thing or not. I guess it really depends on how you are taking the rest of the story. Right now, although i like most of your characters, i don't feel connected to any of them. I think you have some lovely characterisations but i don't know who the main character is and i'm not entirely sure of the plot. I think in the upcoming chapters you will need to focus more on a few of the characters. I felt like each segmant could have almost been it's own story in it itself.
I also noticed there are some very similar characteristics in your characters and although it works to an extent since most of them are from the same family, i'd just say make sure they are each their own person.
I also loved that they all don't get a long! That was beautifully well done in how Lucy was completely disgusted by Dominique. Also Rose's speech was excellent and i like how she seems very serious about her duties and school. I think that characterises her well. Finally, you did a great job with showing and not telling. Really great job because so many authors just tell us how these characters act or what they look like and it's maddening! So cookies for you! :D
Author's Response: Wow, thank you for the lovely, long review! So pleased with it :)
Thank you for that encouraging piece of advice, I fully intend on continuing this story :)
I'm really glad you thought it was funny, this is my first attempt at humour (ever) and I have to say, I really enjoyed writing it.
Thanks, Lucy really is quite a character. She's awfully self-centered, but I believe, with some lessons learnt, she could become quite a nice girl. We shall have to see...
Yes, Hugo shall definitely reappear, I'm looking at making him one of my main characters. This story will focus on each character, but I've decided it will have a few really main ones; namely Violet, Dominique, Lucy, Hugo among others.
Yes, there is an awful lot going on. I just thought I'd better introduce all the characters (main) initially in the first chapter, because that's usually where character interactions first take place, on the Hogwarts Express as everyone is greeting each other after the holidays. I'll definitely take your advice and develop the characters further, this chapter was just an introductory piece that laid out the basic framework for each personality. I totally understand what you mean, and I shall definitely strive to further develop each individual later on. Thanks for that excellent advice :)
Yes, there are somewhat similar characteristics between certain characters, for example, the temperaments of Lucy and Rose, however, as I further develop them as individuals their unique personalities will emerge more. They will however continue to be both hot headed, although their rages will definitely be attributed to different things/people. Also, with characters such as Claudia and Albus, I deliberately made them somewhat similar in temperament; being Head Boy and Girl, they need to relate to each other well in order to help run the school effectively.
Thanks, I particularly liked exploring the inter-character conflicts, I love arguments :) Rose, oh my goodness, what a nutcase.
Thanks for the lovely encouragement and advice, this was really useful in planning my next character and I shall certainly take your tips into consideration.
*takes cookies gratefully* Thank you very much, have a lovely day :)