*throws confetti on herself*
Gahhh Taylorkins, this was absolutely fantastically hnngg-worthy! It wasn't the first time I've read your writing - heck it wasn't the first time I've read this one - but this delish thingamajinglebells of an awesome opening still gave me chills. Especially this line:
Have you seen this girl?
On its own it was nothing special, just a regular interrogative sentence, but what made it stand out was how you reached that line and how you set up the beginning paragraphs before it. There's always something about your writing that impresses me whenever I read anything from you (forum post not included, because they amuse me more than impress me - this is a compliment :P). Gurl, you know how to set up a mood like a boss! I love it when authors take their time to do that, to pay attention to the detail of the setting more, because imagining the scene in my head's so much easier and more satisfying for me. And gosh, you have a way with words that I found really, really poignant and refreshing. Every smile and movement were somehow more... I dunno, graceful? Teehee Like this, for example:
He paused briefly, distracted by the flutter of blonde hair and the waving of her delicate hand.
Technically, a wind just blew and she just moved her hand, but it just seemed infinitely more purrddyyy the way you put it like that. *flails*
I got a very clear idea of your characters. I thought you presented them really well and the dynamics between Gemma and Candice (excuse me for having a mental image of Chloebearsizzle for that one) was very believable. It reminded me of how my sister and I interact for some reason, because we always do get into silly shoving and fighting like that once in a while. Sometimes just because it felt natural and familiar, and sometimes - like Gemma and Candice - because we'd rather deal with misplaced anger and frustrations than actually face the real causes of our annoyance. And James! I adored James in this. His character's very honest and I loved that about him. That part about saying that it was Lizzie's fault for acting not acting her age told a lot about his character I think.
And snort, sex hair. So many questionable thoughts in just two words. So perfect. *whistles*
No criticisms. I thought it this chapter was very polished and I'd be such a hypocrite if I'd tell you to watch your commas. I'm guilty about that myself. OMG and em dashes? I devour them for breakfast. Besides, comma abusers are fearless and sexy in my humble opinion. :P I did notice one line:
"Don't. It's someone's fault. If it's not yours, and it's not mine, then who's is it?" --> I think it should be 'whose' is it?
That's it, really. Your premise, of course, was absolutely delish and I cannot wait to read more about this and see where this will go. Now hurry up and post chapter two, you fooo...
*huggles x a hundred plus a dancing carrot and a cookie*
Author's Response: YAY FIRST! *throws confetti too* ;D
So, lemme write you a story right now.
Once upon a time, there was this young, innocent girl named Taylor. After a long and arduous day at school, she had decided to take a nap to rest her weary eyes. Instead of resting for the half hour she had intended, she slept for two hours and contemplating staying in bed until the morning.
Alas, thirst and hunger quickly took root and so, she climbed out of bed. While moaning and groaning, Taylor turned on her laptop and popped onto HPFF like she often does.
What she saw made her grab onto a chair to keep her standing. It was -that- good. And then, after regaining her sense, she died. Because some incredible person named Kristine just -blew- her mind away that she could hardly stand it!
The end. :D
gaaah, Tinny. You are so fantastically amazing for my ego! Thank youuu for your such kind words. ♥ Let's hope I won't go over the character limit on these things... xD
That part of this chapter was probably my favourite (and I really don't like saying I have "favourite" bits of my writing because, well, it sounds weird? *dies*). But yeah, I'm actually quite proud of it and I'm glad that you liked it too! -flails- I'm actually having trouble responding appropriately to this review because it is JUST THAT AMAZING.
When I write, the things I simply adore more than anything else are the characters and the setting they're in. Oftentimes, I can just -see- them so clearly in my mind and I know who they are in a single instant. But then I get stuck on ironing out the kinks in plot and actually getting the words out... which is probably why I don't write as much as I should... but I digress.
*relieved sigh* You know, I was actually kind of worried about the Candice/Gemma thing. I was worried that it might have seemed like too much, because I don't have a sister and I wasn't sure if it was something 'different' than having a brother (who I could never shove around lolol). But also given the family dynamic, it was probably an appropriate reaction anyway.
In my mind, James is really quite mature emotionally. But of course, everyone messes up and makes mistakes - and he'll certainly be making his fair share of them. ;)
homg I seriously abuse commas and em dashes like CRAZY. But I love them. So much. *adoring face* I use them aaall the time. And I'm totally stealing that line and putting it in my siggy, mmkay? Mmkay.
Aaand you be right about that! Thank you for pointing that out. *dies* I always do that lololol I'll edit it once I get my banner to put in. :D
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU *tackles* ♥ ♥